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The Master of Mrs. Chilvers

by Jerome K. Jerome

May, 2000 [Etext #2195]


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This etext was prepared by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk
from the 1911 T. Fisher Unwin edition.





THE MASTER OF MRS. CHILVERS--AN IMPROBABLE COMEDY

by Jerome K. Jerome




THE FIRST ACT
SCENE:  Drawing-room, 91, Russell Square.
TIME:  3 p.m.

THE SECOND ACT
SCENE:  Liberal Committee Room, East India Dock Road.
TIME:  5 p.m.

THE THIRD ACT
SCENE:  The Town Hall, East Poplar.
TIME:  10 p.m.

THE FOURTH ACT
SCENE:  Russell Square
TIME:  Midnight



THE CAST OF "THE MASTER OF MRS. CHILVERS"



AS IT WAS PRODUCED AT THE ROYALTY THEATRE, LONDON, ON APRIL 26TH,
1911, UNDER THE MANAGEMENT OF MESSRS. VEDRENNE & EADIE.

Lady Mogton               Mary Rorke
Annys Chilvers            Lena Ashwell
Phoebe Mogton             Ethel Dane
Janet Blake               Gillian Scaife
Mrs. Mountcalm Villiers   Sarah Brooke
Elizabeth Spender         Auriol Lee
Rose Merton               Esme Beringer
Mrs. Chinn                Sydney Fairbrother
Geoffrey Chilvers, M.P.   Dennis Eadie
Dorian St. Herbert        Leon Quartermaine
Ben Lamb, M.P.            A. E. Benedict
William Gordon            Edmund Gwenn
Sigsby                    Michael Sherbrooke
Hake                      H. B. Tabberer
Mr. Peekin                Gerald Mirrielees
Mr. Hopper                Stanley Logan
Mrs. Peekin               Rowena Jerome
Miss Borlasse             Cathleen Nesbitt
Miss Ricketts             Hetta Bartlett



CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY



GEOFFREY CHILVERS, M.P. [President Men's League for the Extension
of the Franchise to Women]  A loving husband, and (would-be)
affectionate father.  Like many other good men, he is in sympathy
with the Woman's Movement:  "not thinking it is coming in his
time."

ANNYS CHILVERS [nee Mogton, Hon. Sec. Women's Parliamentary
Franchise League]  A loving wife, and (would-be) affection mother.
Many thousands of years have gone to her making.  A generation ago,
she would have been the ideal woman:  the ideal helpmeet.  But new
ideas are stirring in her blood, a new ideal of womanhood is
forcing itself upon her.

LADY MOGTON [President W.P.F.L.]  She knows she would be of more
use in Parliament than many of the men who are there; is naturally
annoyed at the Law's stupidity in keeping her out.

PHOEBE MOGTON [Org. Sec. W.P.F.L.]  The new girl, thinking more of
politics than of boys.  But that will probably pass.

JANET BLAKE [Jt. Org. Sec. W.P.F.L.]  She dreams of a new heaven
and a new earth when woman has the vote.

MRS. MOUNTCALM VILLIERS [Vice-President W.P.F.L.]  She was getting
tired of flirting.  The Woman's Movement has arrived just at the
right moment.

ELIZABETH SPENDER [Hons. Treas. W.P.F.L.]  She sees woman
everywhere the slave of man:  now pampered, now beaten, but ever
the slave.  She can see no hope of freedom but through warfare.

MRS. CHINN  A mother.

JAWBONES  A bill-poster.  Movements that do not fit in with the
essentials of life on thirty shillings a week have no message so
far as Jawbones is concerned.

GINGER  Whose proper name is Rose Merton, and who has to reconcile
herself to the fact that so far as her class is concerned the
primaeval laws still run.

DORIAN ST. HERBERT [Hon. Sec. M.L.E.F.W.]  He is interested in all
things, the Woman's Movement included.

BEN LAMB, M.P.  As a student of woman, he admits to being in the
infants' class.

SIGSBY  An Election Agent.  He thinks the modern woman suffers from
over-indulgence.  He would recommend to her the teachings of St.
Paul.

HAKE  A butler.  He does not see how to avoid his wife being
practically a domestic servant without wages.

A DEPUTATION  It consists of two men and three women.  Superior
people would call them Cranks.  But Cranks have been of some
service to the world, and the use of superior people is still to be
discovered.



THE FIRST ACT



SCENE:- Drawing-room, 91, Russell Square.

TIME:- Afternoon.

[MRS. ELIZABETH SPENDER sits near the fire, reading a book.  She is
a tall, thin woman, with passionate eyes, set in an oval face of
olive complexion; the features are regular and severe; her massive
dark hair is almost primly arranged.  She wears a tailor-made
costume, surmounted by a plain black hat.  The door opens and
PHOEBE enters, shown in by HAKE, the butler, a thin, ascetic-
looking man of about thirty, with prematurely grey hair.  PHOEBE
MOGTON is of the Fluffy Ruffles type, petite, with a retrousse
nose, remarkably bright eyes, and a quantity of fluffy light hair,
somewhat untidily arranged.  She is fashionably dressed in the
fussy, flyaway style.  ELIZABETH looks up; the two young women
shake hands.]

PHOEBE  Good woman.  'Tisn't three o'clock yet, is it?

ELIZABETH  About five minutes to.

PHOEBE  Annys is on her way.  I just caught her in time.  [To
HAKE.]  Put a table and six chairs.  Give mamma a hammer and a
cushion at her back.

HAKE  A hammer, miss?

PHOEBE  A chairman's hammer.  Haven't you got one?

HAKE  I'm afraid not, miss.  Would a gravy spoon do?

PHOEBE [To ELIZABETH, after expression of disgust.]  Fancy a house
without a chairman's hammer!  [To HAKE.]  See that there's
something.  Did your wife go to the meeting last night?

HAKE [He is arranging furniture according to instructions.]  I'm
not quite sure, miss.  I gave her the evening out.

PHOEBE  "Gave her the evening out"!

ELIZABETH  We are speaking of your wife, man, not your servant.

HAKE  Yes, miss.  You see, we don't keep servants in our class.
Somebody's got to put the children to bed.

ELIZABETH  Why not the man--occasionally?

HAKE  Well, you see, miss, in my case, I rarely getting home much
before midnight, it would make it so late.  Yesterday being my
night off, things fitted in, so to speak.  Will there be any
writing, miss?

PHOEBE  Yes.  See that there's plenty of blotting-paper.  [To
ELIZABETH.]  Mamma always splashes so.

HAKE  Yes, miss.  [He goes out.]

ELIZABETH  Did you ever hear anything more delightfully naive?  He
"gave" her the evening out.  That's how they think of us--as their
servants.  The gentleman hasn't the courage to be straightforward
about it.  The butler blurts out the truth.  Why are we meeting
here instead of at our own place?

PHOEBE  For secrecy, I expect.  Too many gasbags always about the
office.  I fancy--I'm not quite sure--that mamma's got a new idea.

ELIZABETH  Leading to Holloway?

PHOEBE  Well, most roads lead there.

ELIZABETH  And end there--so far as I can see.

PHOEBE  You're too impatient.

ELIZABETH  It's what our friends have been telling us--for the last
fifty years.

PHOEBE  Look here, if it was only the usual sort of thing mamma
wouldn't want it kept secret.  I'm inclined to think it's a new
departure altogether.

[The door opens.  There enters JANET BLAKE, followed by HAKE, who
proceeds with his work.  JANET BLAKE is a slight, fragile-looking
creature, her great dark eyes--the eyes of a fanatic--emphasise the
pallor of her childish face.  She is shabbily dressed; a plain,
uninteresting girl until she smiles, and then her face becomes
quite beautiful.  PHOEBE darts to meet her.]  Good girl.  Was
afraid--I say, you're wet through.

JANET  It was only a shower.  The 'buses were all full.  I had to
ride outside.

PHOEBE  Silly kid, why didn't you take a cab?

JANET  I've been reckoning it up.  I've been half over London
chasing Mrs. Mountcalm-Villiers.  Cabs would have come, at the very
least, to twelve-and-six.

PHOEBE  Well -

JANET  [To ELIZABETH.]  Well--I want you to put me down as a
contributor for twelve-and-six.  [She smiles.]  It's the only way I
can give.

PHOEBE  [She is taking off JANET'S cloak; throws it to HAKE.]  Have
this put somewhere to dry.  [She pushes JANET to the fire.]  Get
near the fire.  You're as cold as ice.

ELIZABETH  All the seats inside, I suppose, occupied by the
chivalrous sex.

JANET  Oh, there was one young fellow offered to give me up his
place, but I wouldn't let him.  You see, we're claiming equality.
[Smiles.]

ELIZABETH  And are being granted it--in every direction where it
works to the convenience of man.

PHOEBE  [Laughs.]  Is she coming--the Villiers woman?

JANET  Yes.  I ran her down at last--at her dress-maker's.  She
made an awful fuss about it, but I wouldn't leave till she'd
promised.  Tell me, it's something quite important, isn't it?

PHOEBE  I don't know anything, except that I had an urgent telegram
from mamma this morning to call a meeting of the entire Council
here at three o'clock.  She's coming up from Manchester on purpose.
[To HAKE.]  Mrs. Chilvers hasn't returned yet, has she?

HAKE  Not yet, miss.  Shall I telephone -

PHOEBE  [Shakes her head.]  No; it's all right.  I have seen her.
Let her know we are here the moment she comes in.

HAKE  Yes, miss.  [He has finished the arrangements.  The table has
been placed in the centre of the room, six chairs round it, one of
them being a large armchair.  He has placed writing materials and a
large silver gravy spoon.  He is going.]

PHOEBE  Why aren't you sure your wife wasn't at the meeting last
night?  Didn't she say anything?

HAKE  Well, miss, unfortunately, just as she was starting, Mrs.
Comerford--that's the wife of the party that keeps the shop
downstairs--looked in with an order for the theatre.

PHOEBE  Oh!

HAKE  So I thought it best to ask no questions.

PHOEBE  Thank you.

HAKE  Thank you, miss.  [He goes out.]

ELIZABETH  Can nothing be done to rouse the working-class woman out
of her apathy?

PHOEBE  Well, if you ask me, I think a good deal has been done.

ELIZABETH  Oh, what's the use of our deceiving ourselves?  The
great mass are utterly indifferent.

JANET  [She is seated in an easy-chair near the fire.]  I was
talking to a woman only yesterday--in Bethnal Green.  She keeps a
husband and three children by taking in washing.  "Lord, miss," she
laughed, "what would we do with the vote if we did have it?  Only
one thing more to give to the men."

PHOEBE  That's rather good.

ELIZABETH  The curse of it is that it's true.  Why should they put
themselves out merely that one man instead of another should
dictate their laws to them?

PHOEBE  My dear girl, precisely the same argument was used against
the Second Reform Bill.  What earthly difference could it make to
the working men whether Tory Squire or Liberal capitalist ruled
over them?  That was in 1868.  To-day, fifty-four Labour Members
sit in Parliament.  At the next election they will hold the
balance.

ELIZABETH  Ah, if we could only hold out THAT sort of hope to them!

[ANNYS enters.  She is in outdoor costume.  She kisses PHOEBE,
shakes hands with the other two.  ANNYS's age is about twenty-five.
She is a beautiful, spiritual-looking creature, tall and graceful,
with a manner that is at the same time appealing and commanding.
Her voice is soft and caressing, but capable of expressing all the
emotions.  Her likeness to her younger sister PHOEBE is of the
slightest:  the colouring is the same, and the eyes that can flash,
but there the similarity ends.  She is simply but well dressed.
Her soft hair makes a quiet but wonderfully effective frame to her
face.]

ANNYS  [She is taking off her outdoor things.]  Hope I'm not late.
I had to look in at Caxton House.  Why are we holding it here?

PHOEBE  Mamma's instructions.  Can't tell you anything more except
that I gather the matter's important, and is to be kept secret.

ANNYS  Mamma isn't here, is she?

PHOEBE  [Shakes her head.]  Reaches St. Pancras at two-forty.
[Looks at her watch.]  Train's late, I expect.

[HAKE has entered.]

ANNYS  [She hands HAKE her hat and coat.]  Have something ready in
case Lady Mogton hasn't lunched.  Is your master in?

HAKE  A messenger came for him soon after you left, ma'am.  I was
to tell you he would most likely be dining at the House.

ANNYS  Thank you.

[HAKE goes out.]

ANNYS  [To ELIZABETH.]  I so want you to meet Geoffrey.  He'll
alter your opinion of men.

ELIZABETH  My opinion of men has been altered once or twice--each
time for the worse.

ANNYS  Why do you dislike men?

ELIZABETH  [With a short laugh.]  Why does the slave dislike the
slave-owner?

PHOEBE  Oh, come off the perch.  You spend five thousand a year
provided for you by a husband that you only see on Sundays.  We'd
all be slaves at that price.

ELIZABETH  The chains have always been stretched for the few.  My
sympathies are with my class.

ANNYS  But men like Geoffrey--men who are devoting their whole time
and energy to furthering our cause; what can you have to say
against them?

ELIZABETH  Simply that they don't know what they're doing.  The
French Revolution was nursed in the salons of the French nobility.
When the true meaning of the woman's movement is understood we
shall have to get on without the male sympathiser.

[A pause.]

ANNYS  What do you understand is the true meaning of the woman's
movement?

ELIZABETH  The dragging down of man from his position of supremacy.
What else can it mean?

ANNYS  Something much better.  The lifting up of woman to be his
partner.

ELIZABETH  My dear Annys, the men who to-day are advocating votes
for women are doing so in the hope of securing obedient supporters
for their own political schemes.  In New Zealand the working man
brings his female relations in a van to the poll, and sees to it
that they vote in accordance with his orders.  When man once grasps
the fact that woman is not going to be his henchman, but his rival,
men and women will face one another as enemies.

[The door opens.  HAKE announces LADY MOGTON and DORIAN ST.
HERBERT.  LADY MOGTON is a large, strong-featured woman, with a
naturally loud voice.  She is dressed with studied carelessness.
DORIAN ST. HERBERT, K.C., is a tall, thin man, about thirty.  He is
elegantly, almost dandily dressed.]

ANNYS  [Kissing her mother.]  Have you had lunch?

LADY MOGTON  In the train.

PHOEBE  [Who has also kissed her mother and shaken hands with ST.
HERBERT.]  We are all here except Villiers.  She's coming.  Did you
have a good meeting?

LADY MOGTON  Fairly.  Some young fool had chained himself to a
pillar and thrown the key out of window.

PHOEBE  What did you do?

LADY MOGTON  Tied a sack over his head and left him there.

[She turns aside for a moment to talk to ST. HERBERT, who has taken
some papers from his despatch-box.]

ANNYS  [To ELIZABETH.]  We must finish out our talk some other
time.  You are quite wrong.

ELIZABETH  Perhaps.

LADY MOGTON  We had better begin.  I have only got half an hour.

JANET  I saw Mrs. Villiers.  She promised she'd come.

LADY MOGTON  You should have told her we were going to be
photographed.  Then she'd have been punctual.  [She has taken her
seat at the table.  ST. HERBERT at her right.]  Better put another
chair in case she does turn up.

JANET  [Does so.]  Shall I take any notes?

LADY MOGTON  No.  [To ANNYS.]  Give instructions that we are not to
be interrupted for anything.  [ANNYS rings bell.]

ST. HERBERT  [He turns to PHOEBE, on his right.]  Have you heard
the latest?

There was an old man of Hong Kong,
Whose language was terribly strong.

[Enter HAKE.  He brings a bottle and glass, which he places.]

ANNYS  Oh, Hake, please, don't let us be interrupted for anything.
If Mrs. Mountcalm-Villiers comes, show her up.  But nobody else.

HAKE  Yes, ma'am.

ST. HERBERT  [Continuing.]

It wasn't the words
That frightened the birds,
'Twas the 'orrible double-entendre.

LADY MOGTON  [Who has sat waiting in grim silence.]  Have you
finished?

ST. HERBERT  Quite finished.

LADY MOGTON  Thank you.  [She raps for silence.]  You will
understand, please, all, that this is a private meeting of the
Council.  Nothing that transpires is to be allowed to leak out.
[There is a murmur.]  Silence, please, for Mr. St. Herbert.

ST. HERBERT  Before we begin, I should like to remind you, ladies,
that you are, all of you, persons mentally deficient -

[The door opens.  MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS enters, announced by
HAKE.  She is a showily-dressed, flamboyant lady.]

[HAKE goes out.]

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  I AM so sorry.  I have only just this
minute--[She catches sight of ST. HERBERT.]  You naughty creature,
why weren't you at my meeting last night?  The Rajah came with both
his wives.  We've elected them, all three, honorary members.

LADY MOGTON  Do you mind sitting down?

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  Here, dear?  [She takes the vacant chair.]
So nice of you.  I read about your meeting.  What a clever idea!

LADY MOGTON  [Cuts her short.]  Yes.  We are here to consider a
very important matter.  By way of commencement Mr. St. Herbert has
just reminded us that in the eye of the law all women are
imbeciles.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  I know, dear.  Isn't it shocking?

ST. HERBERT  Deplorable; but of course not your fault.  I mention
it because of its importance to the present matter.  Under Clause A
of the Act for the Better Regulation, &c., &c., all persons
"mentally deficient" are debarred from becoming members of
Parliament.  The classification has been held to include idiots,
infants, and women.

[An interruption.  LADY MOGTON hammers.]

Bearing this carefully in mind, we proceed.  [He refers to his
notes.]  Two years ago a bye-election took place for the South-west
division of Belfast.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  My dear, may I?  It has just occurred to
me.  Why do we never go to Ireland?

LADY MOGTON  For various sufficient reasons.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  So many of the Irish members have
expressed themselves quite sympathetically.

LADY MOGTON  We wish them to continue to do so.  [Turns to ST.
HERBERT.]  I'm sorry.

ST. HERBERT  A leader of the Orange Party was opposed by a
Nationalist, and the proceedings promised to be lively.  They
promised for a while to be still livelier, owing to the nomination
at the last moment of the local lunatic.

PHOEBE  [To ANNYS.]  This is where we come in.

ST. HERBERT  There is always a local lunatic, who, if harmless, is
generally a popular character.  James Washington McCaw appears to
have been a particularly cheerful specimen.  One of his
eccentricities was to always have a skipping-rope in his pocket;
wherever the traffic allowed it, he would go through the streets
skipping.  He said it kept him warm.  Another of his tricks was to
let off fireworks from the roof of his house whenever he heard of
the death of anybody of importance.  The Returning Officer refused
his nomination--which, so far as his nominators were concerned, was
intended only as a joke--on the grounds of his being by common
report a person of unsound mind.  And there, so far as South-west
Belfast was concerned, the matter ended.

PHOEBE  Pity.

ST. HERBERT  But not so far as the Returning Officer was concerned.
McCaw appears to have been a lunatic possessed of means, imbued
with all an Irishman's love of litigation.  He at once brought an
action against the Returning Officer, his contention being that his
mental state was a private matter, of which the Returning Officer
was not the person to judge.

PHOEBE  He wasn't a lunatic all over.

ST. HERBERT  We none of us are.  The case went from court to court.
In every instance the decision was in favour of the Returning
Officer.  Until it reached the House of Lords.  The decision was
given yesterday afternoon--in favour of the man McCaw.

ELIZABETH  Then lunatics, at all events, are not debarred from
going to the poll.

ST. HERBERT  The "mentally deficient" are no longer debarred from
going to the poll.

ELIZABETH  What grounds were given for the decision?

ST. HERBERT  [He refers again to his notes.]  A Returning Officer
can only deal with objections arising out of the nomination paper.
He has no jurisdiction to go behind a nomination paper and
constitute himself a court of inquiry as to the fitness or
unfitness of a candidate.

PHOEBE  Good old House of Lords!

[LADY MOGTON hammers.]

ELIZABETH  But I thought it was part of the Returning Officer's
duty to inquire into objections, that a special time was appointed
to deal with them.

ST.  HERBERT  He will still be required to take cognisance of any
informality in the nomination paper or papers.  Beyond that, this
decision relieves him of all further responsibility.

JANET  But this gives us everything.

ST. HERBERT  It depends upon what you call everything.  It gives a
woman the right to go to the poll--a right which, as a matter of
fact, she has always possessed.

PHOEBE  Then why did the Returning Officer for Camberwell in 1885 -

ST. HERBERT  Because he did not know the law.  And Miss Helen
Taylor had not the means possessed by our friend McCaw to teach it
to him.

ANNYS  [Rises.  She goes to the centre of the room.]

LADY MOGTON  Where are you going?

ANNYS  [She turns; there are tears in her eyes.  The question seems
to recall her to herself.]  Nowhere.  I am so sorry.  I can't help
it.  It seems to me to mean so much.  It gives us the right to go
before the people--to plead to them, not for ourselves, for them.
[Again she seems to lose consciousness of those at the table, of
the room.]  To the men we will say:  "Will you not trust us?  Is it
harm we have ever done you?  Have we not suffered for you and with
you?  Were we not sent into the world to be your helpmeet?  Are not
the children ours as well as yours?  Shall we not work together to
shape the world where they must dwell?  Is it only the mother-voice
that shall not be heard in your councils?  Is it only the mother-
hand that shall not help to guide?"  To the women we will say:
"Tell them--tell them it is from no love of ourselves that we come
from our sheltered homes into the street.  It is to give, not to
get--to mingle with the sterner judgments of men the deeper truths
that God, through pain, has taught to women--to mingle with man's
justice woman's pity, till there shall arise the perfect law--not
made of man nor woman, but of both, each bringing what the other
lacks."  And they will listen to us.  Till now it has seemed to
them that we were clamouring only for selfish ends.  They have not
understood.  We shall speak to them of common purposes, use the
language of fellow-citizens.  They will see that we are worthy of
the place we claim.  They will welcome us as helpers in a common
cause.  They -

[She turns--the present comes back to her.]

LADY MOGTON  [After a pause.]  The business [she dwells severely on
the word] before the meeting -

ANNYS  [She resents herself meekly.  Apologising generally.]  I
must learn to control myself.

LADY MOGTON  [Who has waited.]--is McCaw versus Potts.  Its bearing
upon the movement for the extension of the franchise to women.  My
own view I venture to submit in the form of a resolution.  [She
takes up a paper on which she has been writing.]  As follows:  That
the Council of the Woman's Parliamentary Franchise League, having
regard to the decision of the House of Lords in McCaw v. Potts -

ST. HERBERT  [Looking over.]  Two t's.

LADY MOGTON --resolves to bring forward a woman candidate to
contest the next bye-election.  [Suddenly to MRS. MOUNTCALM-
VILLIERS, who is chattering.]  Do you agree or disagree?

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  My dear!  How can you ask?  Of course we
all agree.  [To Elizabeth.] You agree, don't you?

ELIZABETH  Of course, even if elected, she would not be allowed to
take her seat.

PHOEBE  How do you know?  Nothing more full of surprises than
English law.

LADY MOGTON  At the present stage I regard that point as
immaterial.  What I am thinking of is the advertisement.  A female
candidate upon the platform will concentrate the whole attention of
the country on our movement.

ST. HERBERT  It might even be prudent--until you have got the vote-
-to keep it dark that you will soon be proceeding to the next
inevitable step.

ELIZABETH  You think even man could be so easily deceived!

ST. HERBERT  Man has had so much practice in being deceived.  It
comes naturally to him.

ELIZABETH  Poor devil!

LADY MOGTON  The only question remaining to be discussed is the
candidate.

ANNYS  Is there not danger that between now and the next bye-
election the Government may, having regard to this case, bring in a
bill to stop women candidates from going to the poll?

ST. HERBERT  I have thought of that.  Fortunately, the case seems
to have attracted very little attention.  If a bye-election
occurred soon there would hardly be time.

LADY MOGTON  It must be the very next one that does occur--wherever
it is.

JANET  I am sure that in the East End we should have a chance.

PHOEBE  Great Scott!  Just think.  If we were to win it!

ST. HERBERT  If you could get a straight fight against a Liberal I
believe you would.

ANNYS  Why is the Government so unpopular?

ST. HERBERT  Well, take the weather alone--twelve degrees of frost
again last night.

JANET  In St. George's Road the sewer has burst.  The water is in
the rooms where the children are sleeping.  [She clenches her
hands.]

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  [She shakes her head.]  Something ought
really to be done.

LADY MOGTON  Has anybody any suggestion to make?--as regards the
candidate.  There's no advantage in going outside.  It will have to
be one of ourselves.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  Won't you, dear?

LADY MOGTON  I shall be better employed organising.  My own feeling
is that it ought to be Annys.  [To ST. HERBERT.]  What do you
think?

ST. HERBERT  Undoubtedly.

ANNYS  I'd rather not.

LADY MOGTON  It's not a question of liking.  It's a question of
duty.  For this occasion we shall be appealing to the male voter.
Our candidate must be a woman popular with men.  The choice is
somewhat limited.

ELIZABETH  No one will put up so good a fight as you.

ANNYS  Will you give me till this evening?

LADY MOGTON  What for?

ANNYS  I should like to consult Geoffrey.

LADY MOGTON  You think he would object?

ANNYS  [A little doubtfully.]  No.  But we have always talked
everything over together.

LADY MOGTON  Absurd!  He's one of our staunchest supporters.  Of
course he'll be delighted.

ELIZABETH  I think the thing ought to be settled at once.

LADY MOGTON  It must be.  I have to return to Manchester to-night.
We shall have to get to work immediately.

ST. HERBERT  Geoffrey will surely take it as a compliment.

JANET  Don't you feel that woman, all over the world, is calling to
you?

ANNYS  It isn't that.  I'm not trying to shirk it.  I merely
thought that if there had been time--of course, if you really think
-

LADY MOGTON  You consent?

ANNYS  Yes.  If it's everybody's wish.

LADY MOGTON  That's settled.

PHOEBE  [She springs up, waving a handkerchief.]  Chilvers for
ever!

JANET  [Rises.]  God bless you!

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  [Clapping her hands.]  Now we shan't be
long!

LADY MOGTON  [Hammers.]  Order, please!

[The three subside.]

This is serious business.  The next step is, of course -

[The door opens; GEOFFREY enters.  He is a youngish-looking man of
three or four and thirty.  LADY MOGTON, at the sound of the door,
turns.  ST. HERBERT rises.  There is a pause.]

LADY MOGTON  We've been talking about you.  We must apologise for
turning your drawing-room -

GEOFFREY  My dear mother-in-law, it is Providence.  [He kisses
her.]  There is no one I was more longing to see.

ANNYS  [She has risen.]  Hake told me you would be dining at the
House.

GEOFFREY  [He comes to her, kisses her, he is in a state of
suppressed excitement.]  I shall be.  I came back to bring you some
news.

PHOEBE  We've got some news for you.  Have you heard -

GEOFFREY  [He stays her.]  May I claim man's privilege for the
first word?  It is news, I am sure, you will all be delighted to
hear.  A friend of yours has been appointed to an office where--it
is quite possible--he may be of service to you.

PHOEBE  Governorship of Holloway Gaol?

GEOFFREY  Not a bad guess.  Very near it.  To the Under-
Secretaryship for Home Affairs.

LADY MOGTON  Who is it?

GEOFFREY  [He bows.]  Your affectionate and devoted servant.

ANNYS  You!

PHOEBE  [Genuinely delighted.  She is not a quick thinker.]  Bravo!
Congratulations, old boy!  [She has risen--she slaps him on the
back.]

ANNYS  Geoffrey!  [She puts her arms about him.]  You never told me
anything.

GEOFFREY  I know, dear.  I was afraid.  It mightn't have come off.
And then you would have been so disappointed.

ANNYS  [There are tears in her eyes.  She still clings to him.]  I
am so glad.  Oh, I am so glad!

GEOFFREY  It is all your doing.  You have been such a splendid
help.  [He breaks gently away from her.  Turns to ST. HERBERT, with
a lighter tone.]  Haven't you anything to say to a fellow?  You're
not usually dumb.

ST. HERBERT  It has all been so sudden--as the early Victorian
heroine was fond of remarking!

GEOFFREY  [Laughs.]  It has been sudden.  We had, none of us, any
idea till yesterday that old Bullock was thinking of resigning.

ELIZABETH  [She has risen and moved towards the fire.]  Won't it
necessitate a bye-election?

[LADY MOGTON and ST. HERBERT have been thinking it out.  On the
others the word falls like a bombshell.]

GEOFFREY  [He turns to her.  He does not see their faces.]  Yes.
But I don't anticipate a contest.  The Conservatives are without a
candidate, and I am on good terms with the Labour Party.  Perhaps
Mr. Hunnable--[He laughs, then, turning, catches sight of his
wife's face.  From ANNYS he looks to the others.]

LADY MOGTON  [She has risen.]  You haven't heard, then, of McCaw
versus Potts?

GEOFFREY  "McCaw versus Potts!"  What the -

ST. HERBERT  Was decided in the House of Lords late yesterday
afternoon.  Briefly stated, it confers upon women the right of
becoming Parliamentary candidates.

GEOFFREY  [He is staggered.]  You mean -

LADY MOGTON  Having regard to which, we have decided to bring
forward a woman candidate to contest the next bye-election.

GEOFFREY  Um!  I see.

ANNYS  But we never thought--we never anticipated it would be
Geoffrey's.

LADY MOGTON  I really cannot admit that that alters the case.
Geoffrey himself would never dream, I am sure, of asking us to
sacrifice our cause to his convenience.

GEOFFREY  No.  Of course not.  Certainly not.

LADY MOGTON  It is perhaps unfortunate that the candidate selected
-

ANNYS  It is quite impossible.  Such a dilemma was never dreamed
of.

LADY MOGTON  And if not?  Is the solidarity of woman -

GEOFFREY  [Beginning to guess.]  Forgive my impatience; but whom
HAVE you selected?

ELIZABETH  [When she likes she can be quite sweet.]  Your wife.
[He expected it.]  We rather assumed [she appeals to the others
with a gesture], I think, that the president of the Man's League
for the Extension of the Franchise to Women would regard it as a
compliment.

GEOFFREY  [His dislike of her is already in existence.]  Yes.  Very
thoughtful.

ANNYS  You must choose some one else.

PHOEBE  But there IS no one else.

ANNYS  There's mamma.

PHOEBE   Mamma's too heavy.

ANNYS  Well, then, there's Elizabeth--there's you!

GEOFFREY  Yes.  Why not you?  You and I could have a jolly little
fight.

LADY MOGTON  This is not a laughing matter.  If I could think of
any one to take Annys's place I should not insist.  I cannot.

PHOEBE  You see, it mustn't be a crank.

GEOFFREY  [He is losing his temper.]  Yes, I suppose that does
limit you.

ELIZABETH  And then--thanks to you--Mrs. Chilvers has had such
excellent training in politics.  It was that, I think, that decided
us.

GEOFFREY  [Convention forbids his strangling her.]  Will somebody
kindly introduce me to this lady?

ST. HERBERT  Ah, yes, of course.  You don't know each other, do
you?  Mr. Geoffrey Chilvers--Mrs. Joseph Spender.  Mrs. Spender--
Mr. Chilvers, M.P.

ELIZABETH  [Sweetly.]  Delighted!

GEOFFREY  [Not.]  Charmed.

LADY MOGTON  [To ANNYS.]  I am not indifferent to your difficulty.
But the history of woman, my dear Annys, is a history of sacrifice.
We give our sons--if necessary, our husbands.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  [Affected.]  How true!

ANNYS  But you are not asking me to give him.  You are asking me to
fight him.  I can't.

LADY MOGTON  You mean you won't.

ANNYS  You can put it that way if you like.  I won't.

[A pause.]

JANET  I thought Mrs. Chilvers had pledged her word.

ELIZABETH  Yes.  But without her husband's consent.  So, of course,
it doesn't count.

GEOFFREY  [He turns on her.]  Why not you--if there must be a
fight?  Or would it be against your principles?

ELIZABETH  Not in the least.

GEOFFREY  Ah!

ELIZABETH  I would offer myself as a substitute.  Only it might
seem like coming between husband and wife.

GEOFFREY  [He turns away with a grunt of disgust.]

PHOEBE  It's awfully rough on you, Geoffrey.  I can see it from
your point of view.  But one can't help remembering the things that
you yourself have said.

GEOFFREY  I know; I know.  I've been going up and down the country,
excusing even your excesses on the ground that no movement can
force its way to the front without treading on innumerable toes.
For me, now, to cry halt merely because it happens to be my own
toes that are in the way would be--ridiculous--absurd--would be
monstrous.  [Nobody contradicts him.]  You are perfectly justified-
-if this case means what you say it does--in putting up a candidate
against me for East Poplar.  Only, naturally, it cannot be Annys.
[He reaches out his hand to where ANNYS stands a little behind him,
takes her hand.]  Annys and I have fought more than one election.
It has been side by side.

ELIZABETH  The lady a little behind.

GEOFFREY  [He moves away with an expression of deep annoyance.]

JANET  [She comes forward.  She holds forth her hands with a half-
appealing, half-commanding gesture.  She almost seems inspired.]
Would it not be so much better if, in this first political contest
between man and woman, the opponents were two people honouring one
another, loving one another?  Would it not show to all the world
that man and woman may meet--contend in public life without anger,
without scorn?  [There is a pause.  They stand listening.]  I do
not know, but it seems to me that if Mr. Chilvers could bring
himself to do this it would be such a big thing--perhaps the most
chivalrous thing that a man has ever done to help women.  If he
would put aside, quite voluntarily, all the man's privilege--just
say to the people, "Now choose--one of us two to serve you.  We
stand before you, equal, my wife and I."  I don't know how to put
it, but I feel that by merely doing that one thing Mr. Chilvers
would solve the whole problem.  It would prove that good men are
ready to give us of their free accord all that we claim.  We should
gain our rights, not by warfare, but through love and
understanding.  Wouldn't that be--so much better?  [She looks--her
hands still appealing--from one to the other.]

[Another silence.  They have all been carried a little off their
feet by JANET'S earnestness.]

ANNYS  [She touches him.]  What do you think, dear?

GEOFFREY  Yes, there's a good deal, of course, in what Miss Blake
says.

ANNYS  It WOULD be a big thing for you to do.

PHOEBE  You see, whatever happened, the seat would be yours.  This
case only gives us the right to go to the poll.  We are keen upon
Annys because she's our best card, that's all.

GEOFFREY  Do you wish it?

ANNYS  [She smiles up at him.]  I'd rather fight you than any one
else.

GEOFFREY  You are not afraid that the situation might be--just a
trifle comical?

ANNYS  [Shakes her head.]  No.  I think everybody will say it was
rather splendid of you.

GEOFFREY  Well, if it will help women.

ANNYS  [She holds out her hand.  She is still in exalted mood.]  We
will show how man and woman may be drawn nearer to one another by
rivalry for noble ends.

ST. HERBERT  [He shakes GEOFFREY'S somewhat limp hand.]  I envy
you.  The situation promises to be piquant.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  It will be a battle of roses.

LADY MOGTON  I must go.  I shall see you both again to-morrow.
[She kisses GEOFFREY.]  This is an historic day.

GEOFFREY  Yes.  I daresay we shall all remember it.

LADY MOGTON  [To JANET.]  I will get you to come to the station
with me.  I can give you your instructions in the cab.  [She kisses
ANNYS.]  You have been called to a great work.  Be worthy of it.

[They are all making ready to go.  ANNYS has rung the bell for
HAKE.]

JANET  [To ANNYS.]  Are you glad?

ANNYS  [Kisses her.]  You showed me the whole thing in a new light.
You were splendid.  [She turns to ELIZABETH.]  Didn't I tell you he
would convert you?

ELIZABETH  I was wrong to judge all men guilty.  There are also--
the innocent.

ANNYS  [For a moment--but a moment only--she is pleased.  Then the
doubtful meaning of ELIZABETH'S words strikes her.]

[Enter HAKE.]

ANNYS  [She has to dismiss ELIZABETH.]  Oh, Hake--[To LADY MOGTON.]
You'll want a cab, won't you, mamma?

LADY MOGTON  A taxi-- Goodbye, everybody.

[She sails out.]

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  I have my carriage.  [To ELIZABETH.]  Can
I give you a lift?

ELIZABETH  Thank you.  [To GEOFFREY.]  We shall meet again.

GEOFFREY  I feel sure of it.

[MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS and ELIZABETH go out.]

PHOEBE  [To HAKE.]  Are Miss Blake's things dry yet?

JANET  They'll be quite all right, dear.  Please don't trouble.
[She advances a timid hand to GEOFFREY.]  Goodbye, Mr. Chilvers.

GEOFFREY  [He takes it smiling.]  Goodbye.

[She goes out; HAKE follows.]

PHOEBE  Goodbye, old boy.  [They shake hands.]  Don't you let her
walk over you.  Make her fight.

ANNYS  [Laughing.]  Don't you worry about that.

ST. HERBERT  Would you care to look through McCaw v. Potts?  [He
has the papers in his hand.]

GEOFFREY  I'll ask you for it when I want it.

PHOEBE  [At door.]  You'll be alone this evening?

ANNYS  Yes.  Come in to dinner.

PHOEBE  All right.  Goodbye.

ST. HERBERT  Goodbye.

[GEOFFREY and ANNYS answer them.  They go out, closing the door.
GEOFFREY is by the fire.  ANNYS comes to him.]

ANNYS  [She puts her arms round him.]  You don't mind?

GEOFFREY  [He holds her at arms' length--looking into her eyes and
smiling.]  I believe you are looking forward to it.

ANNYS  Do you know how long we have been married?  Eight years.
And do you know, sir, that all that time we have never had a
difference?  Don't you think it will be good for you?

GEOFFREY  Do you know WHY we have never had a difference?  Because
you have always had your own way.

ANNYS  Oh!

GEOFFREY  You have got so used to it, you don't notice it.

ANNYS  Then it will be good for me.  I must learn to suffer
opposition.  [She laughs.]

GEOFFREY  You won't like it.

ANNYS  Do you know, I'm not at all sure that I shan't.
[Unconsciously they let loose of one another.]  You see, I shall
have the right of hitting back.  [Again she laughs.]

GEOFFREY  [Also laughingly.]  Is woman going to develop the
fighting instinct?

ANNYS  I wonder.

[A moment's silence.]

GEOFFREY  The difficulty in our case is there seems nothing to
fight about.

ANNYS  We must think of something.  [Laughs.]

GEOFFREY  What line are you going to take--what is your argument:
why they should vote for you in preference to me?

ANNYS  Simply that I am a woman.

GEOFFREY  My dear child, that won't be enough.  Why should they
vote for you merely because you're a woman?

ANNYS  [Slightly astonished.]  Because--because women are wanted in
public life.

GEOFFREY  Who wants them?

ANNYS  [More astonished.]  Who?  Why--[it doesn't seem too clear.]
Why, all of us--you, yourself!

GEOFFREY  I'm not East Poplar.

ANNYS  [Is puzzled a moment, then valiantly.]  I shall ask them to
send me to Parliament to represent the interests of their women--
and therefore of themselves--the interests of their children.

GEOFFREY  Children!  What do you know about children?

[Another silence.]

ANNYS  Personally--no.  We have had no children of our own, of
course.  But [hopefully] it is a woman's instinct.

GEOFFREY  Oh, Lord!  That's what the lady said who had buried
seven.

ANNYS  [Her mouth is growing hard.]  Don't you believe in the right
of women to share in the government of the country?

GEOFFREY  Some women.  Yes.  I can see some capable -

ANNYS  [Winces.]

GEOFFREY --elderly, motherly woman who has brought up a dozen
children of her own--who knows the world, being of some real use.

ANNYS  If it comes to that, there must be--I don't say more
"capable," but more experienced, more fatherly men than yourself.

[He turns, they look at one another.  His tone almost touched
contempt--hers was veiled anger.]

GEOFFREY  THAT'S the danger.  It may come to a real fight.

ANNYS  [Upon her also the fear has fallen.]  It must not.  [She
flings her arms around him.]  We must show the world that man and
woman can meet--contend in public life without anger, without
scorn.

GEOFFREY  [He folds her to him.]  The very words sound ugly, don't
they?

ANNYS  It would be hideous.  [She draws away.]  How long will the
election last?

GEOFFREY  Not long.  The writ will be issued on Wednesday.
Nomination on Monday--polling, I expect, on Saturday.  Puts me in
mind--I must prepare my election address.

ANNYS  I ought to be getting on with mine, too, I suppose.

GEOFFREY  It ought to be out by to-morrow.

ANNYS  [With inspiration.]  We'll do yours first.  [She wonders why
he hesitates.]

GEOFFREY  "We?"  Shan't I have to do it alone--this time?

ANNYS  Alone!  Nonsense!  How can you?

GEOFFREY  I'm afraid I shall have to try.

ANNYS  Um!  I suppose you're right.  What a nuisance!  [She turns
away.]  I shan't like it.

GEOFFREY  [He moves towards the folding-doors.]  No.  It won't be
quite the same thing.  Goodbye.

ANNYS  [She crosses to her desk by the window.  Not the same
instant but the next his "Goodbye" strikes her.  She turns.]
You're not going out, are you?

GEOFFREY  [He stops and turns--puzzled at her question.]  No.  Only
into my study.

ANNYS  You said "Goodbye."

GEOFFREY  [Not remembering.]  _I_ did!  Must have been thinking of
something else.  I shall be in here if you want me.  [He goes into
the other room.]

ANNYS  [She has crossed to her desk.  She is humming.  She seats
herself, takes paper and pen, writes.  Without turning--still
writing--she raises her voice.]  Geoffrey!  How do you spell
"experimental"?  One "r" or two?

[There is no answer.  Puzzled at the silence, she looks round.  The
great folding-doors are closed.  She stares in front of her,
thinking, then turns again to her work.]

CURTAIN.



THE SECOND ACT



SCENE:- Liberal Central Committee Rooms, East India Dock Road,
Poplar.  A large, high room on the first floor of an old-fashioned
house.  Two high windows right.  A door at back is the main
entrance.  A door left leads to other rooms.  The walls are papered
with election literature.  Conspicuous among the posters displayed
is "A Man for Men."  "No Petticoat Government."  "Will you be
Henpecked?"  A large, round table centre is littered with papers
and pamphlets.  A large desk stands between the windows.  A settee
is against the left wall.

[When the curtain rises, ROSE MERTON (otherwise "GINGER") is
discovered seated, her left arm resting on the table.  She is a
young lady typical of the Cockney slavey type, dressed according to
the ideas of her class as regards the perfect lady.  Her hat is
characteristic.  Her gloves, her reticule, her umbrella--the latter
something rather "saucy"--are displayed around her.  She is feeling
comfortable and airing her views.  MRS. CHINN is laying the cloth
over a portion of the table, with some tea-things.  MRS. CHINN is a
thin, narrow-chested lady with thin hands and bony wrists.  No one
since her husband died has ever seen her without her bonnet.  Its
appearance suggests the possibility that she sleeps in it.  It is
black, like her dress.  The whole figure is decent, but dingy.]

GINGER  Wot I say about the question is -

MRS. CHINN  Do you mind moving your arm?

GINGER  Beg pardon.  [She shifts.]  Wot I say is, why not give us
the vote and end all the talking?

MRS. CHINN  You think it would have that effect?

GINGER  Well! we don't want to go on being a nuisance--longer than
we can possibly 'elp!

MRS. CHINN  Daresay you're right.  It's about the time most people
stop.

GINGER  You've never thought much about the question yourself, 'ave
you, Mrs. Chinn?

MRS. CHINN  I ain't fretted much about it.

GINGER  Was a time when I didn't.  I used to be all for--you know--
larking about.  I never thought much about anything.

MRS. CHINN  Ah! it's a useful habit.

GINGER  What is?

MRS. CHINN  Thinking.

GINGER  It's what we women 'aven't done enough of--in the past, I
mean.  All that's going to be altered.  In the future there's going
to be no difference between men and women.

MRS. CHINN  [Slowly, quietly she turns upon GINGER her
expressionless eyes.]

GINGER  Mentally, I mean, o' course.

MRS. CHINN  [Takes back her eyes.]

GINGER  Do you know, Mrs. Chinn, that once upon a time there was
only one sex?  [She spreads herself.]  Hus!

MRS. CHINN  You ain't thinking of going back to it, are you?

GINGER  Not if the men be'ave themselves.

MRS. CHINN  Perhaps they're doing their best, poor things!  It
don't do to be too impatient with them.

GINGER  Was talking to old Dot-and-carry-one the other d'y.  You
know who I mean--chap with the wooden leg as 'as 'is pitch outside
the "George."  "Wot do you wimmen want worrying yourselves about
things outside the 'ome?" 'e says to me.  "You've got the
children," 'e says.  "Oh," I says, "and whose fault's that, I'd
like to know?  You wait till we've got the vote," I says, "we'll
soon show you--"

[SIGSBY enters.  SIGSBY is a dapper little man, very brisk and
bustling--hirsute--looks as if he wanted dusting, cleaning up
generally.]

SIGSBY  That young blackguard come back yet?

GINGER  [At sound of SIGSBY'S voice she springs up.  At first is
about to offer excuses for being found seated, but recollects
herself.]

MRS. CHINN  Which one, sir?

SIGSBY  Young Jawbones--what's he call himself?--Gordon.

MRS. CHINN  Not yet, sir.

SIGSBY  [Grunts.]  My chop ready?

MRS. CHINN  I expect it's about done.  I'll see.

[She goes out.]

SIGSBY  [He turns to GINGER.]  What can _I_ do for you?

GINGER  [She produces a letter.]  I was to wait for an answer.

SIGSBY  [He opens and reads it.]  What do they expect me to do?

GINGER  'Er ladyship thought as perhaps you would consult Mr.
Chilvers 'imself on the subject.

SIGSBY  Look here.  What I want to know is this:  am I being asked
to regard Lady Mogton as my opponent's election agent, or as my
principal's mother-in-law?  That point's got to be settled.  [His
vehemence deepens.]  Look at all these posters.  Not to be used,
for fear the other side mayn't like them.  Now Lady Mogton writes
me that my candidate's supporters are not to employ a certain
argument she disapproves of:  because, if they do, she'll tell his
wife.  Is this an election, or is it a family jar?

[JAWBONES enters.  JAWBONES--otherwise WILLIAM GORDON--is a clean-
shaven young hooligan.  He wears a bicycle cap on the back of his
head, allowing a picturesque tuft of hair to fall over his
forehead.  Evidently he is suffering from controlled indignation.]

SIGSBY  [Seeing him.]  Oh, so you've come back, have you?

JAWBONES  I 'ave, wot's left of me.

SIGSBY  What have you been doing?

JAWBONES  Clinging to a roof for the last three hours.

SIGSBY  Clinging to a roof!  What for?

JAWBONES  [He boils over.]  Wot for?  'Cos I didn't want to fall
off!  Wot do you think:  'cos I was fond of it?

SIGSBY  I don't understand -

JAWBONES  You find yourself 'alf way up a ladder, posting bills as
the other side 'as took objection to--with a crowd of girls from
Pink's jam factory waiting for you at the bottom with a barrel of
treacle, and you WILL understand.  Nothing else for me to do, o'
course, but to go up.  Then they took the ladder away.

SIGSBY  Where are the bills?

JAWBONES  Last I see of them was their being put into a 'earse on
its way to Ilford Cemetery.

SIGSBY  This has got to be seen into.  This sort of thing can't be
allowed to go on.  [He snatches up his hat.]

JAWBONES  There's another suggestion I'd like to make.

SIGSBY  [Pauses.]

JAWBONES  That is, if this election is going to be fought fairly,
that our side should be provided with 'at-pins.

SIGSBY  [Grunts.]  Tell Mrs. Chinn to keep that chop warm.  [He
goes out.]

GINGER  [She begins to giggle.  It grows into a shrill hee-haw.]

JAWBONES  [He looks at her fixedly.]

GINGER  [Her laugh, under the stern eye of JAWBONES, dies away.]

JAWBONES  Ain't no crowd of you 'ere, you know.  Nothing but my
inborn chivalry to prevent my pulling your nose.

GINGER  [Cowed, but simmering.]  Chivalry!  [A shrill snort.]

JAWBONES  Yus.  And don't you put a strain upon it neither.
Because I tell you straight, it's weakening.

GINGER  [His sudden fierceness has completely cowed her.]

JAWBONES  You wimmin -

[There re-enters Mrs. CHINN with a tray.  He is between them.]

That's old Sigsby's chop?

MRS. CHINN  Yes.  He hasn't gone out again, has he?

JAWBONES  I'll 'ave it.  Get 'im another.  Guess 'e won't be back
for 'alf an hour.

MRS. CHINN  He's nasty when his food ain't ready.

JAWBONES  [He takes the tray from her.]  Not your fault.  Tell 'im
I took it from you by brute force.

MRS. CHINN  [She acquiesces with her usual even absence of all
emotion.]

JAWBONES  You needn't stop.  Miss Rose Merton will do the waiting.

GINGER  [Starts, then begins to collect her etceteras.]

MRS. CHINN  Perhaps there'll be time to cook him another.

[She goes out.]

JAWBONES  Take off that cover.

GINGER  [She starts on a bolt for the door.]

JAWBONES  [He is quite prepared.  In an instant he is in front of
her.]  No, yer don't.

[A pause.]

Take off that cover.

GINGER  [She still hesitates.]

JAWBONES  If yer don't do what I tell yer, I'll 'ide yer.  I'm in
the mood.

GINGER  [She takes off the cover.]

JAWBONES  [He seats himself and falls to.]  Now pour me out a cup
of tea.

GINGER  [Is pouring it out.]

JAWBONES  Know why yer doing it?

GINGER  [With shrill indignation.]  Yus.  Becos yer got me 'ere
alone, yer beast, with only that cracked image of a Mrs. Chinn -

JAWBONES  That'll do.

GINGER  [It is sufficient.  She stops.]

JAWBONES  None of your insults agen a lady as I 'olds in 'igh
respect.  The rest of it is all right.  Becos I've got yer 'ere
alone.  You wimmin, you think it's going to pay you to chuck law
and order.  You're out for a fight, are yer?

GINGER  Yus, and we're going to win.  Brute force 'as 'ad its d'y.
It's brains wot are going to rule the world.  And we've got 'em.

[She has become quite oratorical.]

JAWBONES  Glad to 'ear it.  Take my tip:  you'll use 'em.
Meanwhile I'll 'ave another cup o' tea.

GINGER  [She takes the cup--is making for the window.]

JAWBONES  [Fierce again.]  I said tea.

GINGER  All right, I was only going to throw the slops out of
window.  There ain't no basin.

JAWBONES  I'll tell yer when I want yer to open the window and call
for the p'lice.  You can throw them into the waste-paper basket.

GINGER  [She obeys.]

JAWBONES  Thank you.  Very much obliged.  One of these d'ys, maybe,
you'll marry.

GINGER  When I do, it will be a man, not a monkey.

JAWBONES  I'm not proposing.  I'm talking to you for your good.

GINGER  [Snorts.]

JAWBONES  You've been listening to a lot of toffs.  Easy enough for
them to talk about wimmen not being domestic drudges.  They keep a
cook to do it.  They don't pity 'e for being a down-trodden slive,
spending sixteen hours a d'y in THEIR kitchen with an evening out
once a week.  When you marry it will be to a bloke like me, a
working man . . .

GINGER  Working!  [She follows it with a shrill laugh.]

JAWBONES  Yus.  There's always a class as laughs when you mention
the word "work."  Them as knows wot it is, don't.  I've been at it
since six o'clock this morning, carrying a ladder, a can of paste
weighing twenty pounds, and two 'undred double royal posters.  You
try it!  When 'e comes 'ome, 'e'll want 'is victuals.  If you've
got 'em ready for 'im and are looking nice--no reason why you
shouldn't--and feeling amiable, you'll get on very well together.
If you are going to argue with 'im about woman's sphere, you'll get
the worst of it.

GINGER  You always was a bully.

JAWBONES  Not always.  Remember last Bank 'oliday?  [He winks.]

GINGER  [She tries not to give in.]

JAWBONES  'Ave a cup of tea.  [He pours it out for her.]

GINGER  [The natural woman steals in--she sits.]

JAWBONES  'Ow are they doing you, fairly well?

GINGER  Oh!  Well, nothing to grumble at.

JAWBONES  You can do a bit o' dressing on it.

GINGER  [She meets his admiring eye.  The suffragette departs.]
Dressing don't cost much--when you've got tyste.

JAWBONES  Wot!  Not that 'at?

GINGER  Made it myself.

JAWBONES  No!

GINGER  Honour bright!  Tell yer -

[GEOFFREY and ST. HERBERT enter.  JAWBONES and GINGER make to rise.
GINGER succeeds.]

GEOFFREY  All right, all right.  Don't let me disturb the party.
Where's Mr. Sigsby?

JAWBONES  Gone to look up the police, I think, sir.  [Having
finished, he rises.]  Some of those factory girls been up to their
larks again.

GEOFFREY  Umph!  What's it about this time?

JAWBONES  They've took objection to one of our posters.

GEOFFREY  What, another!  [To ST. HERBERT.]  Woman has disappointed
me as a fighter.  She's willing enough to strike.  If you hit back,
she's surprised and grieved.

ST. HERBERT  She's come to the game rather late.

GEOFFREY  She might have learned the rules.  [To JAWBONES.]  Which
particular one is it that has failed to meet with their approval?

JAWBONES  It's rather a good one, sir, from our point of view:
"Why she left her 'appy 'ome."

GEOFFREY  I don't seem to remember it.  Have I seen it?

JAWBONES  I don't think you 'ave, sir.  It was Mr. Sigsby's idea.
On the left, the ruined 'ome, baby crying it's little 'eart out--
eldest child lying on the floor, scalded--upset the tea-kettle over
itself--youngest boy in flames--been playing with the matches,
nobody there to stop 'im.  At the open door the father, returning
from work.  Nothing ready for 'im.  On the other side--'ER, on a
tub, spouting politics.

GEOFFREY  [To ST. HERBERT.]  Sounds rather good.

JAWBONES  Wait a minute.  There was a copy somewhere about--a
proof.  [He is searching for it on the desk--finds it.]  Yus, 'ere
'tis.  [To GINGER.]  Catch 'old.

[JAWBONES and GINGER hold it displayed.]  That's the one, sir.

ST. HERBERT  Why is the working man, for pictorial purposes, always
a carpenter?

GINGER  It's the skirt we object to.

GEOFFREY  The skirt!  What's wrong with the skirt?

GINGER  Well, it's only been out of fashion for the last three
years, that's all.

GEOFFREY  Oh!  I see.  [To ST. HERBERT.]  We've been hitting them
below the belt.  What do you think I ought to do about it?

ST. HERBERT  What would you have thought yourself, three weeks ago?

GEOFFREY  You and I have been friends ever since we were boys.  You
rather like me, don't you?

ST. HERBERT  [Puzzled.]  Yes.

GEOFFREY  If I were to suddenly hit you on the nose, what would
happen?

ST. HERBERT  I understand.  Woman has suddenly started hitting man
on the nose.  Her excuse being that she really couldn't keep her
hands off him any longer.

JAWBONES  [He has pinned the poster to the wall.]  They begun it.
To 'ear them talk, you'd think as man had never done anything
right.

GEOFFREY  He's quite right.  Their posters are on every hoarding:
"Who's made all the Muddles?  Man!"  "Men's Promises!  Why, it's
all Froth!"  "Woman this Time!"  I suppose it will have to go.

JAWBONES  [Hopefully.]  Up, sir?

GEOFFREY  No, Jawbones.  Into the dust-heap with the rest.

[JAWBONES is disgusted.  GINGER is triumphant.]

GEOFFREY  I must talk to Sigsby.  He's taking the whole thing too
seriously.  It will be some time before we reach that stage.  [To
JAWBONES.]  Ask Mrs. Chinn to bring me a cup of tea.

[JAWBONES goes out.]

[He seats himself at table and takes up some correspondence.  To
GINGER.]  Are you waiting for any one?

GINGER  A letter from her ladyship.  [She picks up from the desk
and hands him the letter SIGSBY had thrown there.]  Her ladyship
thought you ought to be consulted.

GEOFFREY  [He reads the short letter with a gathering frown--hands
it across to ST. HERBERT.]

ST. HERBERT  [Having read, he passes it back in silence.]

GEOFFREY  [To GINGER.]  Do you know the contents of this letter?

GINGER  The matter has been discussed among us--informally.

GEOFFREY  Tell Lady Mogton I'll--talk to her myself on the subject.

GINGER  Thank you.  [She collects her etceteras.]  Good afternoon.

GEOFFREY  [Shortly.]  Good afternoon.

GINGER  [She bows graciously to ST. HERBERT, who responds.  Goes
out.]

GEOFFREY  The devil of it is that it's the truth.

ST. HERBERT  Somebody was bound to say it, sooner or later!

GEOFFREY  Yes, but one's own wife!  This is a confoundedly awkward
situation.

ST. HERBERT  [He comes to him, stands looking down at him.]  Did it
never occur to you, when you were advocating equal political rights
for women, that awkward situations might arise?

GEOFFREY  [He leans back in his chair.]  Do you remember Tommy the
Terrier, as they used to call him in the House--was always
preaching Socialism?

ST. HERBERT  Quite the most amusing man I ever met!

GEOFFREY  And not afraid of being honest.  Do you remember his
answer when somebody asked him what he would do if Socialism, by
any chance, really became established in England?  He had just
married an American heiress.  He said he should emigrate.  I am
still convinced that woman is entitled to equal political rights
with man.  I didn't think it was coming in my time.  There are
points in the problem remaining to be settled before we can arrive
at a working solution.  This is one of them.  [He takes up the
letter and reads.]  "Are you prepared to have as your
representative a person who for six months out of every year may be
incapacitated from serving you?"  It's easy enough to say I
oughtn't to allow my supporters to drag in the personal element.  I
like it even less myself.  But what's the answer?

[JAWBONES enters with a tray.]

JAWBONES  [Places tray on table.]  Tea's coming in a minute, sir.
[He is clearing away.]

GEOFFREY  Never mind all that.  [He hands him a slip.]  Take this
to the printers.  Tell them I must have a proof to-night.

JAWBONES  Yes, sir.  [Finds his cap and goes out.]

ST. HERBERT  The answer, I should say, would be that the majority
of women will continue to find something better to do.  The women
who will throw themselves into politics will be the unattached
women, the childless women.  [In an instant he sees his mistake,
but it is too late.]

GEOFFREY  [He rises, crosses to the desk, throws into a waste-
paper-basket a piece of crumpled paper that was in his hand; then
turns.  The personal note has entered into the discussion.]  The
women who WANT to be childless--what about them?

ST. HERBERT  [He shrugs his shoulders.]  Are there any such?

GEOFFREY  There are women who talk openly of woman's share in the
general scheme being a "burden" on her--an "incubus."

ST. HERBERT  A handful of cranks.  To the normal woman motherhood
has always been the one supreme desire.

GEOFFREY  Because children crowned her with honour.  The barren
woman was despised.  All that is changing.  This movement is adding
impulse to it.

ST. HERBERT  Movements do not alter instincts.

GEOFFREY  But they do.  Ever since man emerged from the jungle he
has been shedding his instincts--shaping them to new desires.
Where do you find this all-prevailing instinct towards maternity?
Among the women of society, who sacrifice it without a moment's
hesitation to their vanity--to their mere pleasures?  The middle-
class woman--she, too, is demanding "freedom."  Children, servants,
the home!--they are too much for her "nerves."  And now there comes
this new development, appealing to the intellectual woman.  Is
there not danger of her preferring political ambition, the
excitement of public life, to what has come to be regarded as the
"drudgery" of turning four walls into a home, of peopling the
silence with the voices of the children?  [He crosses to the table-
-lays his hand again upon the open letter.]  How do you know that
this may not be her answer--"I have no children.  I never mean to
have children"?

[SIGSBY enters in company with BEN LAMB, M.P.  LAMB is a short,
thick-set, good-tempered man.]

Ah, Lamb, how are you?

LAMB  [They greet one another.]  How are things going?

SIGSBY  They're not going at all well.

GEOFFREY  Sigsby was ever the child of despondency.

SIGSBY  Yes, and so will you be when you find yourself at the
bottom of the poll.

GEOFFREY  [The notion takes him by surprise.]

LAMB  It's going to be a closer affair than any of us thought.
It's the joke of the thing that appears to have got hold of them.
They want to see what will happen.

GEOFFREY  Man's fatal curiosity concerning the eternal feminine!

SIGSBY  Yes, and they won't have to pay for it.  That will be our
department.

ST. HERBERT  [To SIGSBY.]  What do you think they'll do, supposing
by any chance Mrs. Chilvers should head the poll?

SIGSBY  How do you mean--"what'll they do?"

ST. HERBERT  Do you think they'll claim the seat?

SIGSBY  Claim the seat!  What do you think they're out for--their
health?  Get another six months' advertisement, if they don't get
anything else.  Meanwhile what's our position--just at the
beginning of our ministerial career?

GEOFFREY  They will not claim the seat.

SIGSBY  How do you know?

GEOFFREY  I know my wife.

LAMB  [After a moment's silence.]  Quite sure you do?

GEOFFREY  [Turns.]

LAMB  Ever seen a sheep fighting mad?  I have.  Damned sight worse
than the old ram.

GEOFFREY  She doesn't fight the ram.

LAMB  [He makes a sweeping movement that takes in the room, the
election--all things.]  What's all this?  We thought woman hadn't
got the fighting instinct--that we "knew her."  My boy, we're in
the infants' class.

SIGSBY  If you want to be his Majesty's Under-Secretary for Home
Affairs, you take my tip, guv'nor, you'll win this election.

GEOFFREY  What more can I do than I'm doing?  How can I countenance
this sort of thing?  [He indicates the posters.]  Declare myself
dead against the whole movement?

LAMB  You'll do it later.  May as well do it soon.

GEOFFREY  Why must I do it?

LAMB  Because you're beginning to find out what it means.

[A pause.  The door is open.  ANNYS is standing there.]

ANNYS  Dare we venture into the enemy's camp?

[She enters, laughing, followed by ELIZABETH and PHOEBE. ANNYS is
somewhat changed from the grave, dreamy ANNYS of a short week ago.
She is brimming over with vitality--excitement.  There is a
decisiveness, an egoism, about her that seems new to her.  The
women's skirts make a flutter.  A breeze seems to have entered.
ANNYS runs to her husband.  For the moment the election fades away.
They are all smiles, tenderness for one another.]

ANNYS  Don't tell, will you?  Mamma would be so shocked.  Do you
know you haven't been near me for three days?

GEOFFREY  Umph!  I like that.  Where were you last night?

ANNYS  Last night?  In the neighbourhood of Leicester Square till
three o'clock.  Oh, Geoff, there's such a lot wants altering!

[She turns to greet the others.]

GEOFFREY  Your ruining your health won't do it.  You're looking
fagged to death.

ANNYS  [She shakes hands with SIGSBY.]  How are you?  [To LAMB.]
I'm so glad you're helping him.  [She turns again to GEOFFREY.]
Pure imagination, dearest.  I never felt better in my life.

GEOFFREY  Umph!  Look at all those lines underneath your eyes.  [He
shakes hands with ELIZABETH.]  How do you do?  [To PHOEBE.]  How
are you?

ANNYS  [She comes back to him--makes to smooth the lines from his
forehead.]  Look at all those, there.  We'll run away together for
a holiday, when it's all over.  What are you doing this evening?

SIGSBY  You promised to speak at a Smoker to-night; the Bow and
Bromley Buffaloes.

ANNYS  Oh, bother the Buffaloes.  Take me out to dinner.  I am free
after seven.

[MRS. CHINN has entered--is arranging the table for tea.  ANNYS
goes to her.]

How are you, Mrs. Chinn?

MRS. CHINN  [She wipes her hand on her apron before taking ANNYS'S
proffered hand.]

GEOFFREY  [To SIGSBY.]  I can turn up there later in the evening.
[He joins the others for a moment--talks with them.]

MRS. CHINN  [Now shaking hands.]  Quite well, thank you, ma'am.
[She has cast a keen, motherly glance at ANNYS.]  I hope you're
taking care of yourself, ma'am.

ANNYS  Of course I am.  We Politicians owe it to our Party.
[Laughs.]  How are they getting on here, without me?

MRS. CHINN  Well, ma'am, from what I can see, I think Mr. Chilvers
is trusting a little too much to his merits.  Shall I bring some
more cups and saucers, sir?

GEOFFREY  Ah! yes!  [To ANNYS.]  You'll have some tea?

ANNYS  Strong, please, Mrs. Chinn.

[MRS. CHINN goes out.]

[Laughs.]  Yes, I know it's bad for me.  [She puts a hand over his
mouth.]

PHOEBE  Old Mother Chinn is quite right, you know, Geoff.  You're
not putting up a good fight.

GEOFFREY  [A slight irritability begins to show itself.]  I frankly
confess that I am not used to fighting women.

ELIZABETH  Yes.  It was easier, no doubt, when we took it lying
down.

ANNYS  You promised, if I brought you, that you would be good.

GEOFFREY  I wish it had been you.

PHOEBE  Yes, but we don't!

[As she and ELIZABETH move away.]

Did you have a row with the doctor when you were born?

[To which ELIZABETH replies, though the words reach only PHOEBE:
"I might have, if I had known that my mother was doing all the
work, while he was pocketing the fee!"]

LAMB  You see, Mrs. Chilvers, our difficulty is that there is
nothing to be said against you--except one thing.

ANNYS  What's that?

LAMB  That you're a woman.

ANNYS  [Smiling.]  Isn't that enough?

SIGSBY  Quite enough, Mrs. Chilvers, if the guv'nor would only say
it.

ANNYS  [To GEOFFREY.]  Why don't you?  I'll promise not to deny it.

[The others drift apart.  They group themselves near to the window.
They talk together--grow evidently interested and excited.]

GEOFFREY  I have just had a letter from your--Election Agent,
expressing indignation with one of my supporters for merely having
hinted at the fact.

ANNYS  I don't understand.

GEOFFREY  [He takes from the table the letter and hands it to her
in silence.  He seats himself on the settee and watches her.]

ANNYS  [She seats herself on a chair just opposite to him; reads
the letter through in silence.]  In my case it does not apply.

GEOFFREY  How do you know?

ANNYS  [The atmosphere has grown suddenly oppressive.]  Oh, I--I
think we might find some other reason than that.  [She hands him
back the letter.]

GEOFFREY  It's the only one of any importance.  It embraces all the
others.  Shall woman be mother--or politician?  [He puts the letter
in his pocket.]

ANNYS  Why cannot she be both?

GEOFFREY  [He is looking at her searchingly.]  Because if she is
the one, she doesn't want to be the other.

[A silence.]

ANNYS  You are wrong.  It is the mother instinct that makes us
politicians.  We want to take care of the world.

GEOFFREY  Exactly.  You think man's job more interesting than your
own.

ANNYS  [After a moment.]  Who told you that it was a man's job?

GEOFFREY  Well.  [He shrugs his shoulders.]  We can't do yours.

ANNYS  Can't we help each other?

GEOFFREY  As, for instance, in this election!  [He gives a short
laugh.]

ANNYS  Of course, this is an exceptional case.

GEOFFREY  It's an epitome of the whole question.  You are trying to
take my job away from me.  To the neglect of your own.

ANNYS  [After another moment's silence.]  Haven't I always tried to
do my duty?

GEOFFREY  I have thought so.

ANNYS  Oh, my dear, we mustn't quarrel.  You will win this
election.  I want you to win it.  Next time we must fight side by
side again.

GEOFFREY  Don't you see?  Fighting you means fighting the whole
movement.  [He indicates the posters pinned to the walls.]  That
sort of thing.

ANNYS  [After a brief inspection.]  Not that way.  [Shaking her
head.]  It would break my heart for you to turn against us.  Win
because you are the better man.  [Smiling.]  I want you to be the
better man.

GEOFFREY  I would rather be your husband.

ANNYS  [Smiling.]  Isn't that the same thing?

GEOFFREY  No.  I want a wife.

ANNYS  What precisely do you mean by "wife"?

GEOFFREY  It's an old-established word.

[MRS. CHINN has entered to complete the tea arrangements.  She is
arranging the table.]

MRS. CHINN  There's a deputation downstairs, sir, just come for
you.

GEOFFREY  What are they?

MRS. CHINN  It's one of those societies for the reform of
something.  They said you were expecting them.

SIGSBY  [Breaking away from the group by the window.]  Quite right.
[Looks at his watch.]  Five o'clock, I'll bring them up.

GEOFFREY  Happen to know what it is they want to reform?

SIGSBY  [By door.]  Laws relating to the physical relationship
between the sexes, I think.

GEOFFREY  Oh, only that!

SIGSBY  Something of the sort.

[He goes out.  MRS. CHINN also by the other door.]

GEOFFREY  [Rising.]  Will you pour out?

ANNYS  [She has been thinking.  She comes back to the present.]  We
shan't be in your way?

GEOFFREY  Oh, no.  It will make it easier to get rid of them.

[ANNYS changes her chair.  The others gather round.  The service
and drinking of tea proceeds in the usual course.]

[To ELIZABETH.]  You'll take some tea?

ELIZABETH  Thank you.

GEOFFREY  You must be enjoying yourself just now.

ELIZABETH  [Makes a moue.]  They insist on my being agreeable.

ANNYS  It's so good for her.  Teaches her self-control.

LAMB  I gather from Mrs. Spender, that in the perfect world there
will be no men at all.

ELIZABETH  Oh, yes, they will be there.  But in their proper place.

ST. HERBERT  That's why you didn't notice them.

[The DEPUTATION reaches the door.  The sound of voices is heard.]

PHOEBE  She's getting on very well.  If she isn't careful, she'll
end up by being a flirt.

[The DEPUTATION enters, guided by SIGSBY.  Its number is five, two
men and three women.  Eventually they group themselves--some
standing, some sitting--each side of GEOFFREY.  The others gather
round ANNYS, who keeps her seat at the opposite side of the table.]

SIGSBY  [Talking as he enters.]  Exactly what I've always
maintained.

HOPPER  It would make the husband quite an interesting person.

SIGSBY  [Cheerfully.]  That's the idea.  Here we are, guv'nor.
This is Mr. Chilvers.

[GEOFFREY bows, the DEPUTATION also.  SIGSBY introduces a
remarkably boyish-looking man, dressed in knickerbockers.]

SIGSBY  This is Mr. Peekin, who has kindly consented to act as
spokesman.  [To the DEPUTATION, generally.]  Will you have some
tea?

MISS BORLASSE  [A thick-set, masculine-featured lady, with short
hair and heavy eyebrows.  Her deep, decisive tone settles the
question.]  Thank you.  We have so little time.

MR. PEEKIN  We propose, Mr. Chilvers, to come to the point at once.
[He is all smiles, caressing gestures.]

GEOFFREY  Excellent.

PEEKIN  If I left a baby at your door, what would you do with it?

GEOFFREY  [For a moment he is taken aback, recovers himself.]  Are
you thinking of doing so?

PEEKIN  It's not impossible.

GEOFFREY  Well, it sounds perhaps inhospitable, but do you know I
really think I should ask you to take it away again.

PEEKIN  Yes, but by the time you find it there, I shall have
disappeared--skedaddled.

HOPPER  Good.  [He rubs his hands.  Smiles at the others.]

GEOFFREY  In that case I warn you that I shall hand it over to the
police.

PEEKIN  [He turns to the others.]  I don't myself see what else Mr.
Chilvers could be expected to do.

MISS BORLASSE  He'd be a fool not to.

GEOFFREY  Thank you.  So far we seem to be in agreement.  And now
may I ask to what all this is leading?

PEEKIN  [He changes from the debonnair to the dramatic.]  How many
men, Mr. Chilvers, leave their babies every year at the door of
poverty-stricken women?  What are they expected to do with them?

[A moment.  The DEPUTATION murmur approval.]

GEOFFREY  I see.  But is there no difference between the two doors?
I am not an accomplice.

PEEKIN  An accomplice!  Is the ignorant servant-girl--first lured
into the public-house, cajoled, tricked, deceived by false
promises--the half-starved shop-girl in the hands of the practised
libertine--is she an accomplice?

MRS. PEEKIN  [A dowdily-dressed, untidy woman, but the face is
sweet and tender.]  Ah, Mr. Chilvers, if you could only hear the
stories that I have heard from dying lips.

GEOFFREY  Very pitiful, my dear lady.  And, alas, only too old.
But there are others.  It would not be fair to blame always the
man.

ANNYS  [Unnoticed, drawn by the subject, she has risen and come
down.]  Perhaps not.  But the punishment always falls on the woman.
Is THAT quite fair?

GEOFFREY  [He is irritated at ANNYS'S incursion into the
discussion.]  My dear Annys, that is Nature's law, not man's.  All
man can do is to mitigate it.

PEEKIN  That is all we ask.  The suffering, the shame, must always
be the woman's.  Surely that is sufficient.

GEOFFREY  What do you propose?

MISS BORLASSE  [In her deep, fierce tones.]  That all children born
out of wedlock should be a charge upon the rates.

MISS RICKETTS  [A slight, fair, middle-aged woman, with a nervous
hesitating manner.]  Of course, only if the mother wishes it.

GEOFFREY  [The proposal staggers him.  But the next moment it
inspires him with mingled anger and amusement.]  My dear, good
people, have you stopped for one moment to consider what the result
of your proposal would be?

PEEKIN  For one thing, Mr. Chilvers, the adding to the populace of
healthy children in place of the stunted and diseased abortions
that is all that these poor women, out of their scanty earnings,
can afford to present to the State.

GEOFFREY  Humph!  That incidentally it would undermine the whole
institution of marriage, let loose the flood-gates that at present
hold immorality in check, doesn't appear to trouble you.  That the
law must be altered to press less heavily upon the woman--that the
man must be made an equal sharer in the penalty--all that goes
without saying.  The remedy you propose would be a thousand times
worse than the disease.

ANNYS  And meanwhile?  Until you have devised this scheme [there is
a note of contempt in her voice] under which escape for the man
will be impossible?

GEOFFREY  The evil must continue.  As other evils have to until the
true remedy is found.

PEEKIN  [He has hurriedly consulted with the others.  All have
risen--he turns to GEOFFREY.]  You will not support our demand?

GEOFFREY  Support it!  Do you mean that you cannot yourselves see
that you are holding out an indemnity to every profligate, male and
female, throughout the land--that you would be handicapping, in the
struggle for existence, every honest man and woman desirous of
bringing up their children in honour and in love?  Your suggestion
is monstrous!

PEEKIN  [The little man is not without his dignity.]  We apologise,
Mr. Chilvers, for having taken up your time.

GEOFFREY  I am sorry the matter was one offering so little chance
of agreement.

PEEKIN  We will make only one slight further trespass on your
kindness.  Mrs. Chilvers, if one may judge, would seem to be more
in sympathy with our views.  Might we--it would be a saving of time
and shoe leather [he smiles]--might we take this opportunity of
laying our case before her?

GEOFFREY  It would be useless.

[A short silence.  ANNYS, with ELIZABETH and PHOEBE a little behind
her, stands right.  LAMB, SIGSBY, and ST. HERBERT are behind
GEOFFREY centre.  The DEPUTATION is left.]

HOPPER  Do we gather that in this election you speak for both
candidates?

GEOFFREY  In matters of common decency, yes.  My wife does not
associate herself with movements for the encouragement of vice.

[There is another moment's silence.]

ANNYS  But, Geoffrey, dear--we should not be encouraging the evil.
We should still seek to find the man, to punish him.  The woman
would still suffer -

GEOFFREY  My dear Annys, this is neither the time nor place for you
and me to argue out the matter.  I must ask you to trust to my
judgment.

ANNYS  I can understand your refusing, but why do you object to my
-

GEOFFREY  Because I do not choose for my wife's name to be linked
with a movement that I regard as criminal.  I forbid it.

[It was the moment that was bound to come.  The man's instincts,
training, have involuntarily asserted themselves.  Shall the woman
yield?  If so, then down goes the whole movement--her claim to
freedom of judgment, of action, in all things.  All watch the
struggle with breathless interest.]

ANNYS  [She speaks very slowly, very quietly, but with a new note
in her voice.]  I am sorry, but I have given much thought to this
matter, and--I do not agree with you.

MRS. PEEKIN  You will help us?

ANNYS  I will do what I can.

PEEKIN  [He takes from his pocket a folded paper.]  It is always so
much more satisfactory when these things are in writing.
Candidates, with the best intentions in the world, are apt to
forget.  [He has spread the paper on a corner of the table.  He has
in his hand his fountain-pen.]

ANNYS  [With a smile.]  I am not likely to forget, but if you wish
it--[She approaches the table.]

GEOFFREY  [He interposes.  His voice is very low, almost a
whisper.]  My wife will not sign.

ANNYS  [She also speaks low, but there is no yielding in her
voice.]  I am not only your wife.  I have a duty also to others.

GEOFFREY  It is for you to choose.  [He leaves the way open to
her.]

[The silence can almost be felt.  She moves to the table, takes up
the paper.  It contains but a few lines of writing.  Having read
it, she holds out her hand for the pen.  PEEKIN puts it in her
hand.  With a firm hand she signs, folds the paper, and returns it
to him.  She remains standing by the table.  With the removal of
the tension there comes a rustle, a breaking of the silence.]

MISS RICKETTS  [She seizes ANNYS's hand, hanging listlessly by her
side, and, stooping, kisses it.]

MISS BORLASSE  That is all, isn't it?

PEEKIN  We thank you, Mrs. Chilvers.  Good afternoon.

ANNYS  [The natural reaction is asserting itself.  She pulls
herself together sufficiently to murmur her answer.]  Good
afternoon.

MRS. PEEKIN  [The DEPUTATION is moving away; she takes from her
waist a small bunch of flowers, and, turning, places them in
ANNYS'S hand.]

ANNYS  [She smiles, remains standing silent, the flowers in her
hand.]

["Good afternoons" are exchanged with some of the others.
Finally:]

PEEKIN  Good afternoon, Mr. Chilvers.

GEOFFREY  [Who has moved away.]  Good afternoon.

[The DEPUTATION joins SIGSBY by the door.  He leads them out.]

ELIZABETH  [To PHOEBE.]  Are you going my way?

PHOEBE  [She glances round at ANNYS.]  Yes, I'll come with you.

ST. HERBERT  I will put you into a bus, if you will let me.  We
don't sport many cabs in East Poplar.  [He is helping ELIZABETH
with her cloak.]

ELIZABETH  Thank you.

LAMB  I've got to go up West.  [To GEOFFREY.]  Will you be at the
House this evening?

GEOFFREY  [He is standing by the desk pretending to look at some
papers].  I shall look in about ten o'clock.

LAMB  One or two things I want to say to you.  Goodbye for the
present.

GEOFFREY  Goodbye!

PHOEBE  Goodbye, old man.  [She stretches out her hand.]

GEOFFREY  Goodbye.  [She shakes hands with a smile, exchanges a
casual "goodbye" with ELIZABETH.]

[They go towards the door.]

[SIGSBY re-enters.]

SIGSBY  [To LAMB.]  Are you going?

LAMB  Yes.  I'll see you to-morrow morning.  About ten o'clock.

SIGSBY  I shall be here.  [He exchanges a "good afternoon" with the
others.]

[They go out.  SIGSBY crosses and goes into the other room.]

ANNYS  [She has let fall the flowers on the table.  She crosses to
where GEOFFREY still stands by the desk, his back towards her.  She
stretches out her hand, touches him.  He does not move.]  Geoffrey!

[But still he takes no notice.]

I am so sorry.  We must talk it over quietly--at home.

GEOFFREY  [He turns.]  Home!  I have no home.  I have neither
children nor wife.  I KEEP a political opponent.

[ANNYS starts back with a cry.  He crosses in front of her and
seats himself at the table.  The flowers are lying there; he throws
them into the waste-paper basket.]

ANNYS  [She puts on her cloak, moves towards the door.  Half-way
she pauses, makes a movement towards him.  But he will not see.
Then a hard look comes into her eyes, and without another word she
goes out, leaving the door open.]

[SIGSBY is heard moving in the other room.]

GEOFFREY  [He is writing.]  Sigsby.

SIGSBY  Hallo!

GEOFFREY  That poster I told young Gordon I wouldn't sanction, "The
Woman spouting politics, the Man returning to a slattern's home."

[SIGSBY enters.]

SIGSBY  I have countermanded them.

GEOFFREY  Countermand them again.  We shall want a thousand.

SIGSBY  [Can hardly believe his ears.]

GEOFFREY  [With a gesture round the room.]  All of them.  "A Man
for Men!"  "Save the Children!"  "Guard your Homes!"  All the
damned collection.  Order as many as you want.

SIGSBY  [His excitement rising.]  I can go ahead.  You mean it?

GEOFFREY  [He looks at him.]  It's got to be a fight!  [A moment.
He returns to his writing.]  Telephone Hake that I shall be dining
at the Reform Club.

CURTAIN.



THE THIRD ACT



SCENE:- A room in the Town Hall, Poplar.  A high, bare, cold room,
unfurnished except for cane-bottomed chairs ranged against the
walls.  French windows right give on to a balcony overlooking the
street.  Door in back opens upon a stone passage.  A larger door
opens into another room, through which one passes to reach the room
in which the counting of the votes is taking place.  A fire burns--
or rather tries to burn.  The room is lighted from the centre of
the ceiling by an electric sun.  A row of hat-pegs is on the wall
between the two doors.  The time is about 9 p.m.

[People entering from the street wear coats or cloaks, &c., the
season being early spring.  If passing through or staying in the
room, they take off their outdoor things and hang them up, putting
them on again before going out.]

[JAWBONES is coaxing the reluctant fire by using a newspaper as a
blower.  He curses steadily under his breath.  The door opens.
GINGER enters; she is dressed in cheap furs.]

JAWBONES  Shut the door, can't yer!

GINGER  Don't yer want a draught?

JAWBONES  No, I don't.  Not any more than I've got.

GINGER  [She shuts the door.]  'Ave they begun counting the votes?

JAWBONES  Been at it for the last three-quarters of an hour.

GINGER  Who's going to win?

JAWBONES  One of 'em.

[LADY MOGTON has entered.  She has come from the room where they
are counting the votes.]

Shut that door!  [He glances over his shoulder, sees his mistake.]
Beg pardon!  [To himself.]  Thought 'twas the other fool!

LADY MOGTON  [She shuts the door.  To GINGER.]  Have you seen Mrs.
Chilvers?

GINGER  Not since the afternoon, your ladyship.

LADY MOGTON  She is coming, I suppose?

GINGER  I think so, your ladyship.

LADY MOGTON  It's very cold in here, Gordon.

JAWBONES  Yes, my lady.  Not what I call a cosy room.

LADY MOGTON  [To GINGER.]  Jump into a cab.  See if you can find
her.  Perhaps she has been detained at one of the committee-rooms.
Tell her she ought to be here.

GINGER  Yes, your ladyship.  [She crosses, opens door.]

JAWBONES  Shut the door.

GINGER  Oh, shut -

[She finds herself face to face with a MESSENGER carrying a ballot-
box.]

I beg yer pardon!  [She goes out, closes door.]

LADY MOGTON  [To the MESSENGER.]  Is that the last?

MESSENGER  Generally is.  Isle of Dogs!

[He goes into the other room.]

LADY MOGTON  [To JAWBONES.]  Do you know where Mr. Chilvers is?

[There comes a bloodthirsty yell from the crowd outside.]

JAWBONES  Not unless that's 'im.  [He finishes for the time being
with the fire.  Rises.]

[JANET enters.]

LADY MOGTON  Was that you they were yelling at?

JANET  No, it's Mr. Sigsby.

[Another yell is heard.  Out of it a shrill female voice--"Mind 'is
fice; yer spoiling it!"]

The Woman's Laundry Union have taken such a strong dislike to him.

[A final yell.  Then a voice:  "That's taken some of the starch out
of him!" followed by a shriek of laughter.]

JAWBONES  'E only suggested as 'ow there was enough old washerwomen
in Parliament as it was.

LADY MOGTON  A most unnecessary remark.  It will teach him -

[SIGSBY enters, damaged.  His appearance is comic.  LADY MOGTON
makes no effort to repress a grim smile.]

SIGSBY  Funny, ain't it?

LADY MOGTON  I am sorry.

SIGSBY  [He snarls.]  "The Mother's Hand shall Help Us!"  One of
your posters, I think.

LADY MOGTON  You shouldn't have insulted them--calling them old
washerwomen!

SIGSBY  Insult!  Can't one indulge in a harmless jeu d'esprit--[he
pronounces it according to his own ideas]--without having one's
clothes torn off one's back?  [Fiercely.]  What do you mean by it--
disgracing your sex?

LADY MOGTON  Are you addressing me?

SIGSBY  All of you.  Upsetting the foundations upon which society
has been reared--the natural and lawful subjection of the woman to
the man.  Why don't you read St. Paul?

LADY MOGTON  St. Paul was addressing Christians.  When men behave
like Christians there will be no need of Votes for Women.  You read
St. Paul on men.  [To JANET.]  I shall want you!

[She goes out, followed by JANET.]

[SIGSBY gives vent to a gesture.]

JAWBONES  Getting saucy, ain't they?

SIGSBY  Over-indulgence.  That's what the modern woman is suffering
from.  Gets an idea on Monday that she'd like the whole world
altered; if it isn't done by Saturday, raises hell!  Where's the
guv'nor?

JAWBONES  Hasn't been here.

SIGSBY  [Hands JAWBONES his damaged hat.]  See if they can do
anything to that.  If not, get me a new one.  [He forks out a
sovereign.]  Sure to be some shops open in the High Street.  [LAMB
and ST. HERBERT enter.]

LAMB  Hallo! have they been mauling you?

SIGSBY  [He snatches the damaged hat from JAWBONES, to hand it back
the next moment; holds it out.]  Woman's contribution to politics.
Get me a collar at the same time--sixteen and a half.

[JAWBONES takes his cap and goes out.  The men hang up their
overcoats.]

SIGSBY  Where's it all going to end?  That's what I want to know!

ST. HERBERT  Where most things end.  In the millennium, according
to its advocates.  In the ruin of the country, according to its
opponents.  In mild surprise on the part of the next generation
that ever there was any fuss about it.

SIGSBY  In amazement, you mean, that their fathers were so blind as
not to see where it was leading.  My boy, this is going to alter
the whole relationship between the sexes!

ST. HERBERT  Is it so perfect as it is?

[A silence.]

Might it not be established on a more workable, a more enduring
basis if woman were allowed a share in the shaping of it?

[Some woman in the crowd starts the refrain, "We'll hang old
Asquith on a sour apple tree."  It is taken up with quiet
earnestness by others.]

SIGSBY  Shaping it!  Nice sort of shape it will be by the time that
lot [with a gesture, including the crowd, LADY MOGTON & Co.]  have
done knocking it about.  Wouldn't be any next generation to be
surprised at anything if some of them had their way.

ST. HERBERT  The housebreakers come first--not a class of work
demanding much intelligence; the builders come later.  Have you
seen Chilvers?

LAMB  I left him at the House.  He couldn't get away.

SIGSBY  There's your object-lesson for you.  We don't need to go
far.  A man's whole career ruined by the wife he nourishes.

ST. HERBERT  How do you mean, "ruined?"

SIGSBY  So it is.  If she wins the election and claims the seat.
Do you think the Cabinet will want him?  Their latest addition
compelled to appeal to the House of Commons to fight for him
against his own womenfolk.  [Grunts.]  He'll be the laughing-stock
of the whole country.

ST. HERBERT  Do you know for certain that they mean to claim the
seat?

SIGSBY  "Wait and see" is their answer.

LAMB  Hasn't Chilvers any idea?

SIGSBY  Can't get him to talk.  Don't think he's seen her since
that shindy over the Deputation.

LAMB  Humph!

SIGSBY  Even if she herself wished to draw back, the others would
overrule her.

LAMB  I'm not so sure of that.  She's got a way of shutting her
mouth that reminds me of my old woman.

SIGSBY  The arrangement, as he explained it to me, was that the
whole thing was to end with the polling.  It was to have been a
mere joke, a mere ballon d'essai.  The mistake he made was thinking
he could depend on her.

LAMB  Guess she made the same mistake.  You can fight and shake
hands afterwards; it doesn't go with kissing.

SIGSBY  Man and woman were not made to fight.  It was never
intended.

[The woman's "Marseillaise" has been taken up by the crowd.  The
chorus has been reached.]

Oh, damn your row!  [He slams to the window; it was ajar.]

[JAWBONES has entered, with his purchases.]

[Turning from window he sees JAWBONES, goes to meet him.]  Couldn't
they do anything?

JAWBONES  [He has bought a new hat; has also brought back the
remains.  He shakes his head.]  No good for anything else but a
memento.

SIGSBY  [With a grunt he snatches the thing and flings it into a
corner.  Tries on the new one.]

JAWBONES  'Ow's it feel?

[SIGSBY, with the help of JAWBONES, attends to his appearance.]

LAMB  [To ST. HERBERT.]  No use talking to her, I suppose?

ST. HERBERT  [Shrugs his shoulders.]  She'll do what she imagines
to be her duty.  Women are so uncivilised.

[A burst of cheering is heard.  A shrill male voice:  "Three cheers
for Winston Churchill!"  It is followed by an explosion of yells.]

ST. HERBERT  Who's that?

LAMB  [He has opened the window.]  Phoebe Mogton!

SIGSBY  What a family!

[JANET has entered.]

JANET  Is that Mrs. Chilvers?  [To LAMB and ST. HERBERT.]  Good
evening.

ST. HERBERT  Good evening.

LAMB  No; it's her sister.

JANET  I wonder she doesn't come.

SIGSBY  What are the latest figures?  Do you know?

[PHOEBE enters.]

JANET  I forget the numbers.  Mrs. Chilvers is forty ahead.

PHOEBE  Forty ahead!  [To JANET.]  Did you order the band?

LAMB  [To SIGSBY.]  The Dock division was against him to a man;
that Shipping Bill has upset them.

JANET  No.  I didn't think we should want the band.

PHOEBE  Not want it!  My dear girl -

JANET  Perhaps Lady Mogton has ordered it, I'll ask her.  [She goes
out.]

SIGSBY  Hadn't you better "Wait and see"?  It isn't over yet.

PHOEBE  We may as well have it!  It can play the Dead March in
"Saul" if you win.  [She laughs.]

SIGSBY  [Grunts.  To LAMB.]  Are you coming?

[He goes out.]

LAMB  Yes.  [To ST. HERBERT.]  Are you coming?

ST. HERBERT  Hardly worth while; nearly over, isn't it?

LAMB  It generally takes an hour and a half.  [He looks at his
watch.]  Another forty minutes.  Perhaps less.  [He goes out.]

PHOEBE  I do love to make him ratty.  Wish it wasn't poor old Geoff
we were fighting.

ST. HERBERT  When I marry, it will be the womanly woman.

PHOEBE  No chance for me then?

ST. HERBERT  I don't say that.  I can see you taking your political
opinions from your husband, and thinking them your own.

PHOEBE  Good heavens!

ST. HERBERT  The brainy woman will think for herself.  And then I
foresee some lively breakfast tables.

PHOEBE  Humph!  No fear, I suppose, of a man taking his views from
his wife and thinking them his own?

ST. HERBERT  That may be the solution.  The brainy woman will have
to marry the manly man.

[GINGER enters.]

JAWBONES  [He is on his knees blowing the fire.  In a low growl.]
Shut the door!

GINGER  Can't till I'm inside, can I?  [Shuts it.]  Where's Lady
Mogton?

JAWBONES  I don't know.

PHOEBE  What do you want her for?

GINGER  Only to tell her that I can't find Chilvers.

PHOEBE  Isn't she here?

GINGER  Not unless she's come while I've been out.

[JANET enters.]

JANET  Oh, Lady Mogton -

PHOEBE  [Interrupting her.]  Isn't Annys here?

JANET  No.  [To GINGER.]  Haven't you found her?

GINGER  [Shakes her head.]  Been everywhere I could think of.

PHOEBE  [To herself.]  She couldn't have gone home?  Is there a
telephone here?

JANET  The room's locked up.

JAWBONES  There's one at 118, High Street.  Shall I go, miss?

PHOEBE  No, thanks.  I'll go myself.  Oh, what about the band?

JANET  Lady Mogton says she'd like it.  If it isn't too tired.

GINGER  It's at Sell's Coffee-'ouse in Piggott Street.  I 'eard
them practising.

PHOEBE  Good.  I shan't be more than a few minutes.

ST. HERBERT  I'll come with you, if I may?  I've got some news that
may be of use to you.

PHOEBE  Do.  [To GINGER.]  Stop here, I may want you.

[PHOEBE and ST. HERBERT go out.]

JANET  How was Mrs. Chilvers seeming this afternoon?

GINGER  Never 'eard 'er speak better, miss.

JANET  Did you stop to the end?

GINGER  Not quite.  Mrs. Spender wanted some shopping done.

[JANET goes out.]

GINGER  Can I 'elp yer?

JAWBONES  Yer might hold the piper while I blow.

[The fire begins to burn.]

GINGER  It's getting brighter.

JAWBONES  That's caught it.

GINGER  Wonderful what a little coaxing will do.

JAWBONES  [He is still squatting on his heels, folding up the
paper.  He looks up.]  Ain't yer ever thought of that, instead of
worrying about the vote?

GINGER  [She moves away.]  You don't understand us wimmin.

JAWBONES  [He has risen.  He pauses in his folding of the paper.]
Don't say that.

GINGER  Why should we coax yer--for our rights?

JAWBONES  Because it's the easiest way of getting 'em.

GINGER  [She has become oratorical.]  Our appeal is not to man
[with upraised hand] but to Justice!

JAWBONES  Oh!  And what does the lidy say?

GINGER  [Descending.]  'Ow do yer mean?

JAWBONES  To your appeal.  Is she goin' to give 'em to yer ?  You
tike my tip:  if yer in a 'urry, you get a bit on account--from
Man.  'Ere.  [He dives into his pocket, produces, wrapped up in
tissue paper, a ring, which he exhibits to her.]  That's a bit more
in your line.

GINGER  [Her eyes sparkle.  She takes the ring in her hand.  Then
problems come to her.]  Why do yer want me, William?

JAWBONES  Because, in spite of all, I love yer.

GINGER  [She looks into the future.]  What will I be?  A general
servant, without wages.

JAWBONES  The question, as it seems to me, is, which of us two is
the biggest fool?  Instead of thirty bob a week in my pocket to
spend as I like--guess I'll 'ave to be content with three 'alf-
crowns.

GINGER  Seven an' six!  Rather a lot, Bill, out o' thirty bob.
Don't leave much for me an' the children.

JAWBONES  I shall 'ave to get my dinners.

GINGER  I could mike yer somethin' tasty to tike with yer.  Then
with, say--three shillings -

JAWBONES  'Ere--[He is on the point of snatching back the ring.  He
encounters her eyes.  There is a moment's battle.  The Eternal
Feminine conquers.]  Will yer always look as sweet as yer do now?

GINGER  Always, Bill.  So long as yer good to me!

[She slips the ring over her finger, still with her eyes drawing
him.  He catches her to him in fierce passion, kisses her.]

[A loud shrill female cheer comes from the crowd.  The cheer is
renewed and renewed.]

JAWBONES  [He breaks away and goes to the window.]  'Ullo!  What
are they shoutin' about now?  [He looks out.]  It's the Donah!

GINGER  Mrs. Chilvers?

JAWBONES  Yus.  Better not get wearin' it--may shock their
feelings.

GINGER  [She gazes rapturously at the ring as she draws it off.]
It is a beauty!  I do love yer, Bill.

[There enter ANNYS and ELIZABETH.  ANNYS is excited; she is
laughing and talking.]

ANNYS  [Laughing while she rearranges her hat and hair.]  A little
embarrassing.  That red-haired girl--she carried me right up the
steps.  I was afraid she would -

[JAWBONES has been quick enough to swing a chair into place just in
time to receive her.]

[She recovers herself.]  Thank you.

ELIZABETH  [She hands ANNYS a smelling-bottle.  To JAWBONES.]  Open
the window a few inches.

[He does so.  Some woman, much interrupted, is making a speech.]

[JANET opens the door a little way and looks in.]

JANET  Oh, it is you!  I am glad!

[She goes out again.]

ELIZABETH  Are the others all here?

GINGER  'Er ladyship is watching the counting.  Miss Phoebe 'as
just gone out -

[PHOEBE enters.]

Oh, 'ere she is.

PHOEBE  Hullo!  [She is taking off her things.]  Wherever have you
been?  We've been scouring the neighbourhood -

[LADY MOGTON enters, followed by JANET.]

I say, you're looking jolly chippy.

ELIZABETH  We had an extra enthusiastic meeting.  She spoke for
rather a long time.  I made her come home with me and lie down.  I
think she is all right now.

LADY MOGTON  Would you like to see a doctor?

PHOEBE  There is a very good man close here.  [She turns to
JAWBONES, who is still near the window.]  Gordon -

ANNYS  [Interrupting.]  No.  Please don't.  I am quite all right.
I hate strange doctors.

PHOEBE  Well, let me send for Whitby; he could be here in twenty
minutes.

ANNYS  I wish you would all leave me alone.  There's absolutely
nothing to fuss about whatever.  We pampered women--we can't
breathe the same air that ordinary mortals have to.  We ought to be
ashamed of ourselves.

PHOEBE  [To herself.]  Obstinate pig.

[She catches JAWBONES' eye; unnoticed by the others, she takes him
aside.  They whisper.]

ANNYS  How is it going?

LADY MOGTON  You must be prepared for winning.  [She puts again the
question that ANNYS has frequently been asked to answer during the
last few days.]  What are you going to do?

[MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS enters, as usual in a flutter of
excitement.]

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  Am I late?

[They brush her back into silence.  ELIZABETH takes charge of her.]

ANNYS  [She has risen.]  You think it wise tactics, to make it
impossible for Geoffrey to be anything else in the future but our
enemy?

LADY MOGTON  [Contemptuously.]  You are thinking of him, and not of
the cause.

ANNYS  And if I were!  Haven't I made sacrifice enough?--more than
any of you will ever know.  Ay--and would make more, if I felt it
was demanded of me.  I don't!  [Her burst of anger is finished.
She turns, smiling.]  I'm much more cunning than you think.  There
will be other elections we shall want to fight.  With the Under-
Secretary for Home Affairs in sympathy with us, the Government will
find it difficult to interfere.  Don't you see how clever I am?

[JAWBONES, having received his instructions from PHOEBE, has
slipped out unobserved.  He has beckoned to GINGER; she has
followed him.  PHOEBE has joined the group.]

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS.  There's something in that.

JANET  Is Mr. Chilvers still in sympathy with us?

PHOEBE  Of course he is.  A bit rubbed up the wrong way just at
present; that's our fault.  When Annys goes down, early next mouth,
to fight the Exchange Division of Manchester, we shall have him
with us.

[A moment.]

LADY MOGTON  Where do you get that from?

PHOEBE  From St. Herbert.  The present member is his cousin.  They
say he can't live more than a week.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  It really seems like Providence.

ANNYS  [Has taken the opportunity of giving PHOEBE a grateful
squeeze of the hand.].

LADY MOGTON  You will fight Manchester?

ANNYS  Yes.  [Laughs.]  And make myself a public nuisance if I win.

LADY MOGTON  Well, must be content with that, I suppose.  Better
not come in; the room's rather crowded.  I'll keep you informed how
things are going.

[She goes out, followed by JANET.]

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  I'll stay with you, dear.

PHOEBE  I want you to come and be photographed for the Daily
Mirror.  The man's waiting downstairs.

ELIZABETH  I'll stop with Annys.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  I'm not quite sure, you know, that I take
well by flashlight.

PHOEBE  You wait till you've seen mamma!  We must have you.  They
want you for the centre of the page.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  Well, if it's really -

PHOEBE  [To the others.]  Shall see you again.  [She winks.  Then
to MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS.]  We mustn't keep them waiting.  They
are giving us a whole page.

[PHOEBE takes MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS out.  ELIZABETH has followed
to the door; she closes it.  ANNYS has reseated herself, facing the
fire.]

ELIZABETH  When did you see your husband last?

ANNYS  Not since--Tuesday, wasn't it, that we went round to his
rooms.  Why?

ELIZABETH  I'm thinking about Manchester.  What was it he said to
you?

ANNYS  Oh, we were, both of us, a little over-excited, I suppose.
He has--[she hesitates, finally answers]--he has always been so
eager for children.

ELIZABETH  Yes.  So many men are; not having to bear the pain and
inconvenience themselves.

ANNYS  Oh, well, they have to provide for them when they do come.
That's fair enough division, I su-  [Suddenly she turns fiercely.]
Why do you talk like that?  As if we women were cowards.  Do you
think if God sent me a child I should grudge Him the price!

ELIZABETH  Do you want Him to?

ANNYS  I don't know; prayed Him to, once.

ELIZABETH  [She lays her hand upon her.]  It isn't a few more
mothers that the world has need of.  It is the women whom God has
appointed--to whom He has given freedom, that they may champion the
cause of the mothers, helpless by reason of their motherhood.

[A moment.  GEOFFREY enters.]

GEOFFREY  Good evening.

ANNYS  [Rises; a smile struggles for possession.  But he only
shakes hands, and it dies away.]

ELIZABETH  Good evening.

[They shake hands.]

GEOFFREY  You are not interested in the counting?

ANNYS  The room is rather crowded.  Mamma thought I would be better
out here.  How have you been?

GEOFFREY  Oh, all right.  It's going to be a very near thing, they
tell me.

ANNYS  Yes, I shall be glad when it's over.

GEOFFREY  It's always a trying time.  What are you going to do, if
you win?

[LADY MOGTON looks in.]

LADY MOGTON  [Seeing GEOFFREY.]  Oh, good evening.

GEOFFREY  Good evening.

LADY MOGTON  Chilvers, 2,960--Annys Chilvers, 2,874.

[She disappears--closes door.]

ANNYS  Perhaps I'm not going to win.  [She goes to him, smiling.]
I hope you'll win.  I would so much rather you won.

GEOFFREY  Very kind of you.  I'm afraid that won't make it a
certainty.

ANNYS  [His answer has hardened her again.]  How can I?  It would
not be fair.  Without your consent I should never have entered upon
it.  It was understood that the seat, in any case, would be yours.

GEOFFREY  I would rather you considered yourself quite free.  In
warfare it doesn't pay to be "fair" to one's enemy.

ANNYS  [Still hardening.]  Besides, there is no need.  There will
be other opportunities.  I can contest some other constituency.  If
I win, claim the seat for that.

[A moment.]

GEOFFREY  So this is only the beginning?  You have decided to
devote yourself to a political career?

ANNYS  Why not?

GEOFFREY  If I were to ask you to abandon it, to come back to your
place at my side--helping me, strengthening me?

ANNYS  You mean you would have me abandon my own task--merge myself
in you?

GEOFFREY  Be my wife.

ANNYS  It would not be right.  I, too, have my work.

GEOFFREY  If it takes you away from me?

ANNYS  Why need it take me away from you?  Why cannot we work
together for common ends, each in our own way?

GEOFFREY  We talked like that before we tried it.  Marriage is not
a partnership; it is a leadership.

ANNYS  [She looks at him.]  You mean--an ownership.

GEOFFREY  Perhaps you're right.  I didn't make it.  I'm only--
beginning to understand it.

ANNYS  And I too.  It is not what I want.

GEOFFREY  You mean its duties have become irksome to you.

ANNYS  I mean I want to be the judge myself of what are my duties.

GEOFFREY  I no longer count.  You will go your way without me?

ANNYS  I must go the way I think right.

GEOFFREY  [He flings away.]  If you win to-night you will do well
to make the most of it.  Take my advice and claim the seat.

ANNYS  [Looks at him puzzled.]

ELIZABETH  Why?

GEOFFREY  Because [with a short, ugly laugh] the Lord only knows
when you'll get another opportunity.

ELIZABETH  You are going to stop us?

GEOFFREY  To stop women from going to the poll.  The Bill will be
introduced on Monday.  Carried through all its stages the same
week.

ELIZABETH  You think it will pass?

GEOFFREY  The Whips assure me that it will.

ANNYS  But they cannot, they dare not, without your assent.  The--
[The light breaks in upon her.]  Who is bringing it in?

GEOFFREY  I am.

ANNYS  [Is going to speak.]

GEOFFREY  [He stops her.]  Oh, I'm prepared for all that--ridicule,
abuse.  "Chilvers's Bill for the Better Regulation of Mrs.
Chilvers," they'll call it.  I can hear their laughter.  Yours
won't be among it.

ANNYS  But, Geoffrey!  What is the meaning?  Merely to spite me,
are you going to betray a cause that you have professed belief in--
that you have fought for?

GEOFFREY  Yes--if it is going to take you away from me.  I want
you.  No, I don't want a friend--"a fellow-worker"--some
interesting rival in well doing.  I can get all that outside my
home.  I want a wife.  I want the woman I love to belong to me--to
be mine.  I am not troubling about being up to date; I'm talking
what I feel--what every male creature must have felt since the
protoplasmic cell developed instincts.  I want a woman to love--a
woman to work for--a woman to fight for--a woman to be a slave to.
But mine--mine, and nothing else.  All the rest [he makes a
gesture] is talk.

[He closes the window, shutting out the hubbub of the crowd.]

ANNYS  [A strange, new light has stolen in.  She is bewildered,
groping.]  But--all this is new between us.  You have not talked
like this for--not since-- We were just good friends--comrades.

GEOFFREY  And might have remained so, God knows!  I suppose we're
made like that.  So long as there was no danger passion slept.  I
cannot explain it.  I only know that now, beside the thought of
losing you, all else in the world seems meaningless.  The Woman's
Movement!  [He makes a gesture of contempt.]  Men have wrecked
kingdoms for a woman before now--and will again.  I want you!  [He
comes to her.]  Won't you come back to me, that we may build up the
home we used to dream of?  Wasn't the old love good?  What has this
new love to give you?  Work that man can do better.  The cause of
the women--the children!  Has woman loved woman better than man?
Will the world be better for the children, man and woman
contending?  Come back to me.  Help me.  Help me to fight for all
good women.  Teach me how I may make the world better--for our
children.

ANNYS  [The light is in her eyes.  She stands a moment.  Her hands
are going out to him.]

ELIZABETH  [She comes between them.]  Yes, go to him.  He will be
very good to you.  Good men are kind to women, kind even to their
dogs.  You will be among the pampered few!  You will be happy.  And
the others!  What does it matter?

[They draw apart.  She stands between them, the incarnation of the
spirit of sex war.]

The women that have not kind owners--the dogs that have not kind
masters--the dumb women, chained to their endless, unpaid drudgery!
Let them be content.  What are they but man's chattel?  To be
honoured if it pleases him, or to be cast into the dust.  Man's
pauper!  Bound by his laws, subject to his whim; her every hope,
her every aspiration, owed to his charity.  She toils for him
without ceasing:  it should be her "pleasure."  She bears him
children, when he chooses to desire them.  They are his to do as he
will by.  Why seek to change it?  Our man is kind.  What have they
to do with us:  the women beaten, driven, overtasked--the women
without hope or joy, the livers of grey lives that men may laugh
and spend--the women degraded lower than the beasts to pander to
the beast in man--the women outraged and abandoned, bearing to the
grave the burden of man's lust?  Let them go their way.  They are
but our sisters of sorrow.  And we who could help them--we to whom
God has given the weapons:  the brain, and the courage--we make
answer:  "I have married a husband, and I cannot come."

[A silence.]

GEOFFREY  Well, you have heard.  [He makes a gesture.]   What is
your answer?

ANNYS  [She comes to him.]  Don't you love me enough to humour me a
little--to put up with my vexing ways?  I so want to help, to feel
I am doing just a little, to make the world kinder.  I know you can
do it better, but I want so to be "in it."  [She laughs.]  Let us
forget all this.  Wake up to-morrow morning with fresh hearts.  You
will be Member for East Poplar.  And then you shall help me to win
Manchester.  [She puts her hands upon his breast:  she would have
him take her in his arms.]  I am not strong enough to fight alone.

GEOFFREY  I want you.  Let Manchester find some one else.

ANNYS  [She draws away from him.]  And if I cannot--will not?

GEOFFREY  I bring in my Bill on Monday.  We'll be quite frank about
it.  That is my price--you.  I want you!

ANNYS  You mean it comes to that:  a whole cause dependent on a man
and a woman!

GEOFFREY  Yes, that is how the world is built.  On each man and
woman.  "How does it shape my life, my hopes?"  So will each make
answer.

[LADY MOGTON enters.  She stands silent.]

ELIZABETH  Is it over?

LADY MOGTON  Annys Chilvers, 3,604--Geoffrey Chilvers, 3,590.

[JANET enters.]

JANET  [She rushes to ANNYS, embraces her.]  You've won, you've
won!  [She flies to the window, opens it, and goes out on to the
balcony.]

[PHOEBE enters, followed by MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS.]

PHOEBE  Is it true?

LADY MOGTON  Pretty close.  Majority of 14.

MRS. MOUNTCALM-VILLIERS  For us?

LADY MOGTON  For us.

[JANET by this time has announced the figures.  There is heard a
great burst of cheering, renewed again and again.]

JANET  [Re-entering.]  They want you!  They want you!

[Mingled with the cheering come cries of "Speech!  Speech!"]

LADY MOGTON  You must say something.

[The band strikes up "The Conquering Hero."  The women crowd round
ANNYS, congratulating her.  GEOFFREY stands apart.]

PHOEBE  [Screaming above the din.]  Put on your cloak.

JANET  [Rushes and gets it.]

[They wrap it round her.]

[ANNYS goes out on to the balcony, followed by the other women.
ELIZABETH, going last, fires a parting smile of triumph at
GEOFFREY.]

[A renewed burst of cheering announces their arrival on the
balcony.  The crowd bursts into "For She's a Jolly Good Fellow"--
the band, making a quick change, joins in.  GEOFFREY remains
centre.]

[JAWBONES enters unobserved.  The singing ends with three cheers.
ANNYS is speaking.  GEOFFREY turns and sees JAWBONES.]

GEOFFREY  [With a smile.]  Give me down my coat, will you?

JAWBONES  [He is sympathetic.  He helps him on with it.]  Shall I
get you a cab, sir?

GEOFFREY  No, thanks.  I'll pick one up.  [He goes towards the
door, then stops.]  Is there any other way out--not through the
main entrance?

JAWBONES  Yes, sir.  There's a side door opening on Woodstock Road.
I'll show it you.

GEOFFREY  Thanks.  [He follows JAWBONES out.]

[A burst of cheering comes from the crowd.]

CURTAIN.



THE FOURTH ACT



SCENE:- Russell Square.  The morning-room [on the ground floor].  A
small, cheerful room, furnished in Chippendale, white panelled,
with Adams fireplace in which a bright fire is burning.  Two deep
easy-chairs are before the fire.  The window-curtains of red damask
are drawn.  An oval table occupies the centre of the room.  The
door at back opens upon the hall.  Only one light burns, an
electric lamp on a table just above the fire.

TIME:- Midnight.

[The door opens.  GEOFFREY enters.  He has left his out-door things
in the hall.  He crosses and rings the bell.  A moment.]

[HAKE enters.]

GEOFFREY  Oh, you, Hake!  There wasn't any need for you to have
stopped.

HAKE  I was not sure of your arrangements.  I thought perhaps I
might be wanted.

GEOFFREY  Sorry.  I ought to have told you.

HAKE  It's been no inconvenience, sir.  I told Mrs. Hake not to sit
up.

GEOFFREY  [He is opening and reading his letters left for him on
the table.]  Does she generally sit up for you?

HAKE  As a rule, sir.  We like a little chat before going to bed.

GEOFFREY  [His eyes on a letter.]  What do you find to chat about?

HAKE  Oh, there is so much for a husband and wife to talk about.
The-- As a rule.

[A clock on the mantelpiece strikes one.]

GEOFFREY  What's that?

HAKE  Quarter past twelve, sir.

GEOFFREY  Has your mistress come in?

HAKE  Not yet, sir.  Has the election gone all right, sir?

GEOFFREY  For Mrs. Chilvers, yes.  She is now member for East
Poplar.

HAKE  I am sorry.  It has been a great surprise to me.

GEOFFREY  The result?

HAKE  The whole thing, sir.  Such a sweet lady, we all thought her.

GEOFFREY  Life, Hake, is a surprising affair.

[A ring is heard.]

I expect that's she.  She has forgotten her key.

[HAKE goes out.]

[GEOFFREY continues his letters.  A few moments pass; HAKE re-
enters, closes the door.]

HAKE  [He seems puzzled.]  It's a lady, sir

[GEOFFREY turns.]

HAKE  At least--hardly a lady.  A Mrs. Chinn.

GEOFFREY  Mrs. Chinn!  [He glances at his watch.]  At twelve
o'clock at night.  Well, all right.  I'll see her.

[HAKE opens the door, speaks to MRS. CHINN.  She enters, in bonnet
and shawl.]

HAKE  Mrs. Chinn.

GEOFFREY  Good evening, Mrs. Chinn.

MRS. CHINN  Good evening, sir.

GEOFFREY  You needn't stop, Hake.  I shan't be wanting anything.

HAKE  Thank you.

GEOFFREY  Apologise for me to Mrs. Hake.  Good-night.

HAKE  Good-night, sir.

[HAKE goes out.  A minute later the front door is heard to slam.]

GEOFFREY  Won't you sit down?  [He puts a chair for her left of the
table.]

MRS. CHINN  [Seating herself.]  Thank you, sir.

GEOFFREY  [He half sits on the arm of the easy-chair below the
fire.]  What's the trouble?

MRS. CHINN  It's my boy, sir--my youngest.  He's been taking money
that didn't belong to him.

GEOFFREY  Um.  Has it been going on for long?

MRS. CHINN  About six months, sir.  I only heard of it to-night.
You see, his wife died a year ago.  She was such a good manager.
And after she was gone he seems to have got into debt.

GEOFFREY  What were his wages?

MRS. CHINN  Nineteen shillings a week, sir.  And that with the rent
and three young children--well, it wants thinking out.

GEOFFREY  From whom did he take the money--his employers?

MRS. CHINN  Yes, sir.  He was the carman.  They had always trusted
him to collect the accounts.

GEOFFREY  How much, would you say, was the defalcation?

MRS. CHINN  I beg pardon, sir.

GEOFFREY  How much does it amount to, the sums that he has taken?

MRS. CHINN  Six pounds, sir, Mr. Cohen says it comes to.

GEOFFREY  Won't they accept repayment?

MRS. CHINN  Yes, sir.  Mr. Cohen has been very nice about it.  He
is going to let me pay it off by instalments.

GEOFFREY  Well, then, that gets over most of the trouble.

MRS. CHINN  Well, you see, sir, unfortunately, Mr. Cohen gave
information to the police the moment he discovered it.

GEOFFREY  Umph!  Can't he say he made a mistake?

MRS. CHINN  They say it must go for trial, sir.  That he can only
withdraw the charge in court.

GEOFFREY  Um!

MRS. CHINN  You see, sir--a thing like that--[She recovers
herself.]  It clings to a lad.

GEOFFREY  What do you want me to do?

MRS. CHINN  Well, sir, I thought that, perhaps--you see, sir, he
has got a brother in Canada who would help him; and I thought that
if I could ship him off -

GEOFFREY  You want me to tip the wink to the police to look the
other way while you smuggle this young malefactor out of the
clutches of the law?

MRS. CHINN  [Quite indifferent to the moral aspect of the case.]
If you would be so kind, sir.

GEOFFREY  Umph!  I suppose you know what you're doing; appealing
through your womanhood to man's weakness--employing "backstairs
influence" to gain your private ends, indifferent to the higher
issues of the public weal?  All the things that are going to cease
when woman has the vote.

MRS. CHINN  You see, sir, he's the youngest.

[Gradually the decent but dingy figure of MRS. CHINN has taken to
itself new shape.  To GEOFFREY, it almost seems as though there
were growing out of the shadows over against him the figure of
great Artemis herself--Artemis of the Thousand Breasts.  He had
returned home angry, bitter against all women.  As she unfolds her
simple tale understanding comes to him.  So long as there are "Mrs.
Chinns" in the world, Woman claims homage.]

GEOFFREY  How many were there?

MRS. CHINN  Ten altogether, six living.

GEOFFREY  Been a bit of a struggle for you, hasn't it?

MRS. CHINN  It has been a bit difficult, at times; especially after
their poor father died.

GEOFFREY  How many were you left with?

MRS. CHINN  Eight, sir.

GEOFFREY  How on earth did you manage to keep them?

MRS. CHINN  Well, you see, sir, the two eldest, they were earning a
little.  I don't think I could have done it without that.

GEOFFREY  Wasn't there any source from which you could have
obtained help?  What was your husband?

MRS. CHINN  He worked in the shipyards, sir.  There was some talk
about it.  But, of course, that always means taking the children
away from you.

GEOFFREY  Would not that have been better for them?

MRS. CHINN  Not always, sir.  Of course, if I hadn't been able to
do my duty by them I should have had to.  But, thank God, I've
always been strong.

GEOFFREY  [He rises.]  I will see what can be done.

MRS. CHINN  Thank you, sir.

GEOFFREY  [Half-way, he turns.]  When does the next boat sail--for
Canada?

MRS. CHINN  To-morrow night, sir, from Glasgow.  I have booked his
passage.

GEOFFREY  [With a smile.]  You seem to have taken everything for
granted.

MRS. CHINN  You see, sir, it's the disgrace.  All the others are
doing so well.  It would upset them so.

[He goes out.]

[There is a moment.]

[ANNYS enters.  She is wearing her outdoor things.]

ANNYS  Mrs. Chinn!

MRS. CHINN  [She has risen; she curtseys.]  Good evening, ma'am.

ANNYS  [She is taking off her hat.]  Nothing wrong, is there?

MRS. CHINN  My boy, ma'am, my youngest, has been getting into
trouble.

ANNYS  [She pauses, her hat in her hand.]  They will, won't they?
It's nothing serious, I hope?

MRS. CHINN  I think it will be all right, ma'am, thanks to your
good gentleman.

ANNYS  [She lays aside her hat.]  You have had a good many
children, haven't you, Mrs. Chinn?

MRS. CHINN  Ten altogether, ma'am; six living.

ANNYS  Can one love ten, all at once?

[The cloak has fallen aside.  MRS. CHINN is a much experienced
lady.]

MRS. CHINN  Just as many as come, dear.  God sends the love with
them.

[There is a moment; the two women are very close to one another.
Then ANNYS gives a little cry and somehow their arms are round one
another.]

[She mothers her into the easy chair above the fire; places a
footstool under her feet.]  You have your cry out, dearie, it will
do you good.

ANNYS  You look so strong and great.

MRS. CHINN  It's the tears, dearie.  [She arranges the foot-stool.]
You keep your feet up.

[The handle of the door is heard.  MRS. CHINN is standing beside
her own chair.  She is putting back her handkerchief into her bag.]

[GEOFFREY re-enters.]

[ANNYS is hidden in the easy chair.  He does not see her.]

GEOFFREY  Well, Mrs. Chinn, an exhaustive search for the accused
will be commenced--next week.

MRS. CHINN  Thank you, sir.

GEOFFREY  What about the children--are they going with him?

MRS. CHINN  No, sir; I thought he would be better without them till
everything is settled.

GEOFFREY  Who is taking care of them--you?

MRS. CHINN  Yes, sir.

GEOFFREY  And the passage money--how much was that?

MRS. CHINN  Four pound fifteen.

GEOFFREY  Would you mind my coming in, as a friend?

MRS. CHINN  Well,  if you don't mind, I'd rather not.  I've always
done everything for the children myself.  It's been a fad of mine.

GEOFFREY  [He makes a gesture of despair.]  You mothers!  You're so
greedy.  [He holds out his hand, smiling.]  Goodbye.

MRS. CHINN  [She takes his hand in hers.]  God bless you, sir.  And
your good lady.

GEOFFREY  [As he takes her to the door.]  How will you get home?

MRS. CHINN  I can get the Underground from Gower Street, sir.

[They go out talking about last trains and leaving the door open.
The next moment the front door is heard to slam.]

[GEOFFREY re-enters.]

[ANNYS has moved round, so that coming back into the room he finds
her there.]

GEOFFREY  How long have you been in?

[He closes the door.]

ANNYS  Only a few minutes--while you were at the telephone.  I had
to rest for a little while.  Dr. Whitby brought me back in his
motor.

GEOFFREY  Was he down there?

ANNYS  Phoebe had sent for him.  I had been taken a little giddy
earlier in the day.

GEOFFREY  [He grunts.  He is fighting with his tenderness.]  Don't
wonder at it.  All this overwork and excitement.

ANNYS  I'm afraid I've been hurting you.

GEOFFREY  [Still growling.]  Both been hurting each other, I
expect.

ANNYS  [She smiles.]  It's so easy to hurt those that love us.

[She makes a little movement, feebly stretches out her arms to him.
Wondering, he comes across to her.  She draws him down beside her,
takes his arms and places them about her.]  I want to feel that I
belong to you.  That you are strong.  That I can rest upon you.

GEOFFREY  [He cannot understand.]  But only an hour ago--[He looks
at her.]  Have you, too, turned traitor to the Woman's Cause?

ANNYS  [She answers smiling.]  No.  But woman, dear, is a much more
complicated person than I thought her.  It is only in this hour
that God has revealed her to me.  [She draws him closer.]  I want
you, dear--dear husband.  Take care of us--both, won't you?  I love
you, I love you.  I did not know how much.

GEOFFREY  [He gathers her to him, kissing her, crooning over her.]
Oh, my dear, my dear!  My little one, my love, my wife!

ANNYS  [She is laughing, crying.]  But, Geoffrey, dear -

[He tries to calm her.]

No, let me.  I want to-- And then I'll be quite good, I promise--
It's only fair to warn you.  When I'm strong and can think again, I
shall still want the vote.  I shall want it more than ever.

GEOFFREY  [He answers with a happy laugh, holding her in his arms.]

ANNYS  You will help us?  Because it's right, dear, isn't it?  He
will be my child as well as yours.  You will let me help you make
the world better for our child--and for all the children--and for
all the mothers--and for all the dear, kind men:  you will, won't
you?

GEOFFREY  I thought you were drifting away from me:  that strange
voices were calling you away from life and motherhood.  God has
laughed at my fears.  He has sent you back to me with His command.
We will fashion His world together, we two lovers, Man and Woman,
joined together in all things.  It is His will.  His chains are the
children's hands.

[Kneeling, he holds her in his arms.]

[THE CURTAIN FALLS.]




End of Project Gutenberg Etext of The Master of Mrs. Chilvers, by Jerome

